The “birth order theory”: what if our birth order influenced our love life?

What if your position in the family influenced your romantic choices? According to the new theory of “birth order theory”, which is circulating on TikTok, the way in which you are positioned in your family impacts your personality and, therefore, your love life in terms of compatibility – whether you are an only child, the eldest, the youngest or the youngest.

Birth order influences our personality

The idea that birth order affects personality dates back to the 1900s. This idea was theorized by Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler, who argued that where you are in the birth order can affect your personality, your relationships and even your career. Today, experts have managed with more research to determine behavioral traits according to birth orders.

Annie Wright, licensed marriage and family therapist, acknowledges in the columns of Business Insider that “Birth order can influence personality traits and relationship dynamics“, including the qualities you look for in a partner. She adds: “There are so many different family variables that occur with a firstborn versus a younger one, including parental hypervigilance or prioritization of resources for the firstborn“.

Elders and only children more “organized”

Notable characteristics include that firstborns develop leadership qualities and perfectionism due to their role as a “role model.” According to Chance Marshall, therapist and founding partner of Self Space, requested by Cosmopolitan UK“they may feel pressure to excel and be role models for their younger siblings, or feel resentful and behave aggressively“. Result: in their romantic relationships, older people tend to be organized and planners, which can be practical but also problematic if they constantly seek to control everything.

Only children would also share common traits with older children, such as supporting parental expectations, but without sibling rivalry. They are therefore less competitive and more emotionally independent, because they spent more time alone during their childhood, or in the company of adults.

The middle children would try more to please

As for middle children, they often play the role of mediator between their brothers and sisters and their parents. Among their personality traits, we would find diplomacy, empathy and a desire for fairness. However, Chance Marshall argues that “middle children may feel stuck between the expectations placed on the eldest and the relative freedom of the youngest“. They may also seek attention through means such as pleasing others or avoiding conflict within a relationship.

Anne Wright qualifies the theory by emphasizing that we cannot “not speak in absolutes whether talking about who you are because of your astrological sign or who you are because of your birth order“.

Be careful not to oversimplify the human psyche

Chance Marshall observes that the resurgence of birth order theory is part of a “‘massive wave’ to excessively pathologize everyday human experiences.” He adds : “While it is essential to recognize and examine the reasons why we are the way we are, we can reduce complex emotions, personalities, psyches, and relationship dynamics to simple disorders or theories. By turning ordinary problems into diagnoses or “categories,” we risk oversimplifying the complexities of the human psyche and inadvertently discouraging self-reflection and personal development.“.

So while birth order theory can be a fun way to test your compatibility with a potential partner, it’s important not to rely entirely on it to plan your love life.

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