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Reading 2 min.
in collaboration with
Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)
Medical validation:
November 18, 2024
Lately, you find yourself feeling at fault without really knowing why. Maybe it’s due to the fact that someone close to you is making you feel guilty for free… Here are the signs to spot to stop this toxic mode of communication.
Guilt is a common human feeling, but one that should not be trivialized. If this emotion indeed allows us to be empathetic with others, it can also be harmful when it is not justified. Explanations.
Guilt, a feeling that can be harmful in high doses
Indeed, many people use this feeling to get what they want, especially from vulnerable individuals – because the latter, often more sensitive to guilt, are more inclined to give in under pressure.
“Making people feel guilty is a super toxic way of communicating. It is a subtle and formidable weapon, often used unconsciously to gain the upper hand…“, confirms Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist.
But this feeling of guilt can also be provoked in a “diverted” way, confides our expert.
“Take the example of a tired mother who says: “I tell you I’m exhausted, and you keep waking me up every night…”. This type of sentence, even said without the intention of hurting, places an enormous emotional burden on the child, who ends up thinking that he or she is responsible for the well-being of his or her parent,” warns the practitioner. An example, “applicable to many other relationships“.
On a daily basis, how can we spot these behaviors before they affect us too much? Here is our expert’s answer.
Good in his body, good in his head!
“Guilt is an unpleasant feeling, where we feel at fault without really knowing why!“, says Amelie Boukhobza. This is why it is important to decode certain signs, such as:
Sentences heavy with disguised reproaches.
“If you really loved me, you would do this for me” or “I’m not asking much of you, but apparently it’s too much…”. “These kinds of remarks that play on your emotions, insinuating that you are insensitive if you don’t give in.“, underlines the practitioner.
The art of minimizing your needs
“When everything revolves around them, your concerns seem secondary or even insignificant. You have the impression of always being the one who has to adapt, to make compromiseas if you don’t have the right to have limits.” For example : “Fine, forget it, I won’t see my friends anymore…”. This kind of guilt-inducing little sentence is a classic, specifies the expert.
Sometimes, guilt also comes through heavy silences, heavy sighs, looks that say a lot.
“No need for words: their attitude is enough to make you understand that you have “missed something“. You find yourself asking yourself: “Have I forgotten something important?“.”This constant doubt pushes you to look for a fault that may not even exist“, indicates Amélie Boukhobza.
Finally, this persistent feeling that you constantly have to justify yourself is a sign to take seriously
“The smallest of your choices, of your actions, is scrutinized. For example: you decided to spend an evening alone to breathe a little, and now you are indirectly reproached for your choice: “Ah, you preferred to stay quiet this evening, okay… I had just want to see you, but it doesn’t matter“This kind of remark that “pushes you to explain, to you excuseas if taking time for yourself was wrong”reveals the specialist.
So, the next time you feel this weight, take a moment to think: “Is this really your responsibility or are they trying to make you carry a burden that does not belong to you?“, underlines the expert in conclusion. You will thus avoid many unnecessary questions.
Slide: Emotional hypersensitivity: 10 signs that should make you think about it