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Sometimes, in a couple, one of the partners adopts a toxic attitude, through certain behaviors. So much so that these harmful habits can jeopardize the relationship. What are they? Here are the three that are absolutely to avoid, according to an expert.
According to the American psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein,the way you think influences the way you feel. And the way you feel influences the way you behave“.
These words are valid both when living alone and as a couple. The only difference: as a couple, our behavior has consequences for our partner. Here are three habits to ban, according to the expert, so as not to harm your relationship.
Habits to ban as a couple, for the psychologist
When we live as a couple, there are behaviors to avoid, or even ban completely. According to Jeffrey Bernstein, here are three:
- Indulging in criticism and contempt : “Signs of criticism and contempt can manifest as teasing your partner.” says the expert “And contempt can also manifest itself through public criticism of one of the partners. Behaving in a superior manner also conveys a derogatory and toxic message. Seeing someone you love, or loved ones, constantly criticize you is very demoralizing and emotionally unhealthy.“.
- Feeling lost in a spiral of negative energy : “Do you feel like moments of positive connection with your partner have no value because you always end up overwhelmed by overwhelming negative energy? Do you think that positive changes, even if they seem promising at first, never last? At the end of the day, and often throughout it, do you feel increasingly discouraged, emotionally exhausted and unresponsive?” asks the specialist. If these questions speak to you, it may be an eternal dissatisfaction that haunts you. It may hide a wound whose consequences on your relationship will be toxic;
- Neglecting your partner : finally, the third behavior to be prohibited, for Jeffrey Bernstein, is to adopt a form of neglect towards his partner. “Is his silence weighing you down to the point of leaving you helpless and hopeless? Does he deprive you of affection while blaming you for being too demanding? Do you feel like every time you try to clear the situation, is he refusing to go to therapy? Neglect is a form of passive aggressive relationship toxicity, which tends to get worse over time?” notes the psychologist.
Beware of the consequences of this type of behavior
If the expert warns about this type of toxic behavior, it is because they are not without consequences on the relationship. But according to him, all is not lost. “Recognize persistent signs of toxic relationship can help you get through it. I’ve seen far too many couples throw in the towel far too soon. They never learned to identify and challenge their toxic thoughts.”. However, he recommends being honest with yourself.
“If your relationship is truly toxic and positive reframing doesn’t change anything, then you need to take an honest look at the situation. Even more so if your partner is not working towards any change. In that case, maybe it’s time to leave.” he concludes.
Slide: What are 10 signs you are in a toxic relationship?