The 11 dumbest action hero names of all time ranked

Do you know the German action hero Florian Hildebrand? Of course not, because it doesn’t exist. But not because Germany is too provincial for shootings, but because Florian Hildebrand sounds like a leek. But John Matrix? Jaxx cooker? Storm Rothschild? These names eat steel for breakfast and snack on dynamite during the lull in battle. These names need to be in 3 billion font size on a movie poster because they’re strong, adrenaline pumping and… they sound pretty goofy.

Giving larger-than-life heroes also larger-than-life names has a much longer tradition than the medium of film itself. Even in the Renaissance there were acting masks that dictated the mind of the characters, such as Paggliacio. With fantastic character names like Dracula, Frankenstein or Dr.Caligari, it wasn’t far from the birth of the film to Tyler Rake or Katniss Everdeen, who are so pumped up that you just have to laugh. Don’t you think? These 11 names will teach you otherwise.

11. Keanu Reeves as John Wick (in John Wick)

John Wick (Keanu Reeves) is one of the greatest action heroes of our time, but his Name sounds like cough syrup. He could be the first action apothecary in film history. And where is the surreptitious advertising that everyone is waiting for? “Only one puts even the heaviest boys to sleep: Wick MediNait!“

10. Chris Hemsworth as Tyler Rake (in Tyler Rake: Extraction)

Behind every name in real life there are complex personalities. It’s different with the film. Who’s name is Tyler Rake (Chris Hemsworth) has never been to the chess club, doesn’t watch fantasy films and only uses IT to blow people up. Tyler Rake was quarterback in the delivery room. No name on this list screams upside-down baseball cap and beer pong like the hero of Tyler Rake: Extraction.

9. Arnold Schwarzenegger as John Matrix (in The Phantom Commando)

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s role names alone are so explosive that they can bring down whole streets. By the mid ’80s, movies didn’t have to build stories around him anymore, everyone knew who he was. The Phantom Command is therefore also his straightest film, 90 minutes of pure Schwarzenegger. The whole film is so straightforward that the author wanted to add some complexity to the hero, at least with the name and named it after a mathematical arrangement. A wonderful idea: Bring on curve discussion Eddy and Jaqueline Tangens!

8. Ruby Rose as Jaxx Herd (in Meg)

An X in the name is awesome, but two? Why? Was the ks sound still too shy with the first X? Did Jaxx (Ruby Rose) from Meg start out as a linnet named Jaggs and over the years e.gBattled up to the ultimate Jaxxx level like a Super Saiyan? To top it all off, the character in The Meg is still an engineer and design luminary. So Jaxx does not consist of four pithy letters, but also of engine oil, wrenches and dirty undershirts.

7. Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss Everdeen (in The Hunger Games)

Don’t worry, I won’t slander here about the Hunger Games series, which is justifiably loved by fans. But Katniss (Jennifer Lawrence) sounds like Catnip, and everyone knows it. How seriously can you take a revolution led by catnip?

6. Jean-Claude van Damme as Storm Rothschild from Jungle Camp (and all other names of van Damme’s characters)

Jean-Claude Van Damme’s filmography is a prime mine of goofy action names. Darren McCord from Sudden Death? Storm Rothschild from Jungle Camp – Welcome to the Jungle? GIBSON RICKENBACKER from Cyborg? Those are names like punches. You remind me of a Simpsons episode in which Homer tries to come up with a particularly daring name: Schönling B. Wunderlich, Hercules Rockefeller and Rembrandt Q. Einstein are rejected, and Max Power wins in the end. Naturally.

5. Pierce Brosnan as Remington Steele in Remington Steele

In the ’80s series Remington Steele, detective Laura Holt (Stephanie Zimbalist) invents a male boss of the same name because her sexist clients don’t trust women. By coincidence, Pierce Brosnan then slips into the actually fictional role as a master thief. That’s clever, but of course the name remains stupid. Remington is the name of a gun manufacturer, Steele stands for steel. More testosterone and the name would lift weights – or act in a porn.

4. Peter Weller as Buckaroo Banzai in Buckaroo Banzai: The 8th Dimension

Like Remington Steele, Buckaroo Banzai (Peter Weller) is a deliberately parodic name that fits his film’s funky style. The hero of the movie Buckaroo Banzai – The 8th Dimension is actually Physicist, neurosurgeon, test pilot and rock star. Its naming is similarly eclectic: Buckaroo is a term for Californian cowboys, “banzai!” (Eng.: “Happiness for 10,000 years”) is a Japanese battle cry. Whoever is called that is always the most interesting person in every room.

3. Nicolas Cage as Castor Troy (in In the Body of the Enemy)

Inside the Enemy’s Body is one of genre master John Woo’s best known films and is considered by some to be the greatest action film of all time. The director smears his tale of two nemesis with so much pomp and theatrics that names like Jim and Joe would be completely out of place.

So why not just name two brothers Castor (Nicolas Cage) and Pollux (Alessandro Nivola), after the twins of Greek mythology? Names cannot be pregnant with meaning. They’re like high school seniors, everyone hold their Graecum under their noses. And anyone who hasn’t yet understood the didactic hint with the fence post weighing several tons can use the surname Troy (German: Troy) to find insight into the ancient language.

2. Honor Blackman as Pussy Galore (in James Bond 007 – Goldfinger)

Pussy Galore (Honor Blackman) is equal parts masterpiece and bottomless cheek. For two whole films, the 007 franchise struggled to add a touch of complexity to the Bond girls, until in the third adventure, James Bond 007 – Goldfinger, it literally dropped all the covers and unceremoniously named Goldfinger’s tough pilot Pussy Galore. approximately “Lots of pussy“). Anyone who didn’t realize the importance of Bond’s playmates in the franchise knew it now.

1. Mark Wahlberg as Cade Yeager (in Transformers 4)

For three films, the Transformers franchise was spearheaded by the whiny Sam Witwicky by his leek name, until Transformers 4: Era of Extinction finally saw a real guy take the helm: Cade Yeager (Mark Wahlberg) sounds like a Adventure film on steroids – daring, independent, rough.

A phonetic cocktail of British power and German ruthlessness that certainly had director Michael Bay licking his lips. Cade Yeager turns a trip to Edeka into a suspense masterpiece. Cade Yeager doesn’t make small talk, doesn’t have self-doubt and doesn’t ride an e-scooter to work. Cade Yeager doesn’t bleed. Nothing but pure steel pumps through his veins.

The 10 biggest streaming films of 2023 on Netflix, Amazon & Co.

In this installment of our Moviepilot podcast, Stream Browsing, we take a look at the big movies coming exclusively to Netflix, Amazon, Disney+ and Apple TV+ this year. The result is a list of ten special recommendations.

From the sci-fi epic to the potential Oscar nominee, everything is included. The talents gathered are particularly impressive. In 2023 we can expect new movies from Martin Scorsese, David Fincher and Zack Snyder in the streaming space, while Gal Gadot, Leonardo DiCaprio, Henry Cavill and Chris Hemsworth will be in front of the camera.

*. . .