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Reading 4 min.
in collaboration with
Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical Psychologist)
Giving without expecting anything in return, arguing to keep the peace… While some behaviors may seem harmful at first glance, they are actually beneficial for your relationship. Explanations.
In love, you often wonder about the best way to act or react? By adopting these ten key behaviors, you will promote the blossoming of your relationship.
The success of a romantic relationship is not due to chance.
While many experts claim that any romantic relationship requires daily “effort,” some persist in believing that it is simply a matter of “destiny.”
A serious mistake, according to Mark Travers, psychologist, interviewed by the magazine Forbes.
“People who believe in destiny believe that the success of a relationship is largely based on fate or innate compatibility rather than on sustained effort and communication.”reveals the expert, before continuing: “These people generally believe that people are either meant to be together or not, and that certain relationships are destined to succeed or fail, no matter how hard you try..”
But it’s exactly the opposite: small daily efforts play a crucial role in the longevity of a relationship. Certain behaviors, sometimes unexpected, also contribute to maintaining the good health of the couple.
The paradoxical behaviors of a happy couple
As therapist Susanne Wolf and our expert psychologist Amélie Boukhobza point out, certain behaviors can play a key role in maintaining a relationship.
These include the following behaviors:
- Listen to be heard: “It is not enough to speak to make yourself understood, you must first listen. In a couple, listening allows you to really grasp what the other person is experiencing and feeling, thus creating a space of reciprocity. It is by listening to the other person that they become more inclined to listen to us in return.“, recalls Amélie Boukhobza.
- Arguing to keep the peace : “Conflicts, far from destroying a relationship, are often times when we clarify unspoken things and express ourselves frankly. When managed well, these arguments allow us to start again on a healthier basis and prevent frustrations from building up. It is by accepting confrontation that we manage to maintain a balanced relationship.“, emphasizes the psychologist.
- Letting go to be able to hold on : “Wanting to control everything in a relationship is risking suffocation. Letting go means trusting the other person, accepting that everything cannot always be perfect. By letting go of this need for control, we find what really matters and we cling to the essential, without being a prisoner of the anxiety of losing“, reveals the expert.
- Leave space to get closer : “Giving space in a relationship allows each person to breathe, to find themselves. It is not a threat to the couple, on the contrary. This space gives rise to a renewed desire and a more sincere rapprochement. Autonomy nourishes the couple by allowing each person to come back with a new perspective.“, says the specialist.
- Finding Commitment in Freedom : “Commitment and freedom are not incompatible, quite the contrary. One can be deeply committed while maintaining autonomy and personal freedom. Love gives wings and makes one freer. It is not a prison, it is a space where we choose to be together every day, not out of obligation, but out of desire. It is by offering the other the possibility of existing fully as an individual that we strengthen this commitment.“, confirms Amélie Boukhobza.
- Showing vulnerability to strengthen yourself : “The idea that showing vulnerability is a weakness is a myth. In truth, it is by revealing our flaws, by letting ourselves be seen as we are, that we create a strong bond. This openness creates a true intimacy, where the other becomes a support in moments of doubt and fragility.“, says the expert.
- Accept change to stay the same : “Accepting that the relationship evolves over time is crucial. By understanding that everything is not fixed, that everyone grows and changes, we strengthen the bond. It is this natural movement that allows the relationship to adapt and last. By changing together, we remain anchored in the relationship“, confirms the practitioner.
- Fostering Independence Through Dependence : “Independence and the dependence intertwine in a couple. It is not about being totally dependent on the other, but about finding a healthy balance. Each must be able to exist on their own, while knowing that they can count on the other. This positive interdependence creates a bond of trust and security“, certifies the specialist.
- Embracing imperfection to perfect the bond: “Perfection does not exist, neither in the other, nor in the relationship. Love is accepting the imperfections, the shortcomings of the other, and learning to live with them. What makes a relationship strong is this ability to work with what we are, to recognize that we do not need everything to be perfect for love to be deep. Accepting imperfection also means recognizing that the other will not fill all our shortcomings, but it is this acceptance that allows us to perfect the bond.“, the psychologist explains.
- Practice Self-Reflection for Better Understanding : “Questioning oneself is essential to understanding others. Self-reflection allows us to take a step back from our own actions, our expectations and our needs. By doing this work, we create a richer space for dialogue,” confirms Amélie Boukhobza.
- Give without expecting anything in return : “Healthy love is based on generosity. Giving to the other without expecting an immediate return helps create a climate of trust and unconditional love. It is not in the accounting exchange, but in the spontaneity of the gift that the relationship flourishes. Thus, these behaviors, although sometimes counterintuitive, help to nourish and protect the relationship by going against the superficial expectations that one might have about love,” she concludes.
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