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Reading 2 min.
in collaboration with
Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)
Do you try, every day, to push your children towards excellence? Take care. You may be one of those perfectionist parents who overdoes it. Explanations.
Are you (very) demanding of yourself and are you also demanding of your children? Be careful not to overdo it. If we all dream of sporty, trilingual and well-dressed children, the reality is often very different. And so much the better!
Being a perfectionist parent is not a quality
With all due respect to all perfect parents,being a perfectionist parent is not a quality“, recalls Amélie Boukhobza.
“It’s asking too much of your children… and having unrealistic and unachievable expectations. That is to say, expecting children to not only perform well in all areas (school, sport, music… but also in life) and above all that they are immediately”, she asserts.
Faced with these many expectations, disappointment can quickly set in. Questions can even arise and reflect on the child: “Why didn’t your youngest get the best grade in math?” Why isn’t he good at piano like his brother?”, etc.
The problem ? The criticism then becomes “easy and frequent“, estimates the psychologist.
“Being a perfectionist parent, in short, means only focusing on errors, aspects to improve or the small detail that is wrong, without ever congratulating successes or at least the efforts made. It is forgetting that We also learn from our failures!” recalls the expert.
Little room for the unexpected and freedom
Being a perfectionist parent also means seeking to control every aspect of the child’s life to ensure that he or she reaches a level of success.optimal“.
“It’s being in permanent and excessive control. The program is thought out, organized, regulated… ultimately leaving too little room for the child’s personal exploration, his expression, his freedom. Which is nevertheless essential for its proper development”, regrets Amélie Boukhobza.
Finally, being a perfectionist also means being afraid of your children’s failure. Being afraid for them, for their future.
“Except that these fears are just the continuous projection of our own fears onto them. The problem is that they end up inheriting it and not being able to tolerate the slightest failure or failure.“, warns the psychologist.
Let him breathe!
Ultimately, the perfectionist parent risks only generating stress and pressure on his/her children, which can harm their self-esteem and their emotional well-being.
“The child himself becomes intolerant of failure, panicked at the idea of doing badly or not living up to what he assumes is the desire of his parent (mother or father, worse both). Result: the child has the impression that his parent does not trust him, which in turn prevents him from developing sufficient self-esteem to face the difficulties of life and take risks. warns Amélie Boukhobza.
The right attitude to adopt? Let the children breathe. They will thank you later!