While there are truly kind people, others are generous and helpful only to achieve their ends. When to be wary?
Perceived as a weakness by some and as a strength by others, kindness is far from unanimous. If kindness is a quality when it is associated with altruism and to the generosityshe can also arouse distrust when it is excessive. A person who always responds favorably to everything, to the point of putting himself in the background, sometimes hides his game well. While there are truly kind people, others are generous and helpful only to achieve their ends. So when should we be wary? Aren’t the nicest people the ones most likely to betray us?
Generally speaking, everything excessive behavior should encourage caution. We naturally tend to be wary of angry, self-centered, aggressive and unpleasant people. Conversely, kindness is more often seen as a quality. However, when someone is too nice, that’s not “normal” either. “Excessive kindness usually masks a suffering. People who are too nice have fear of not being loved, they are very sensitive to rejection, and therefore have difficulty asserting themselves. They have difficulty expressing their needs and desires, which pushes them to adopt a passive-aggressive behavior and to be too obedient or too conciliatory. They sometimes display too much kindness, empathy and generosity which is false. As a result, we don’t really know what they think. And it’s precisely this deviousness that’s disturbing.”analyzes Pascal Anger, psychologist in Paris.
Sometimes a manipulation technique
It also happens that kindness is calculated and represents a manipulation technique. Indeed, some people are particularly kind in order to achieve their goals. Then, once they have achieved this, they reveal their real face. In general, these people are very persuasive. “They do not hesitate to use their charm and gentleness to make their interlocutors agree with their point of view. These are people who tend to draw attention to themselves and monopolize the conversation”, explains our expert. They do everything they can to please and be noticed, and constantly seek the approval of others. The fake good guys are also real hypocrites who do not hesitate to speak negatively about us in our absence. They also make excessive complimentswhich necessarily seems suspicious.
Conversely, truly nice people don’t tend to push things to get what they want. They give off a natural kindness and listen to others but their attitude is nuanced. They do not forget themselves to be loved at all costs and on the contrary display a certain serenity and self-confidence, irrevocable proof of authenticity.
Thanks to Pascal Anger, psychologist in Paris