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When you get into a new romantic relationship, it’s hard to know if it will last. To overcome this uncertainty, we can try to apply the “3 month rule”. Concretely, this consists of giving yourself a “trial period” in order to take the time to get to know your partner and determine if the relationship is viable.
Did you know that romantic relationships have a probationary period? Indeed, according to Internet users of TikTok, the first three months of a relationship are often seen as a trial period where partners get to know each other. If the relationship manages to exceed the 3 month mark, it would be destined to be lasting.
A trial period for any relationship?
“Anyone can say they love you, they want to be with you“, declares the Tiktokeuse @annnexmp in a video having accumulated more than 20 million views. The young woman continues: “But… if they’re still saying that, if they’re still feeling that, if they’re still trying after three months, that’s a really good sign.”.
Indeed, when you begin a new relationship, both partners experience their love without restraint. However, this budding passion can push them to rush things, or even lead to a breakup. This is where the 3 month rule comes in, which would help the new couple keep their feet on the ground in the face of this surge of feelings.
But why 3 months?
According to the proponents of this theory, this would be sufficient time to discover the qualities and faults of the other, and decide whether one wishes to continue the relationship. This period also most often coincides with the end of the honeymoon phase. In a relationship, what we call the “honeymoon phase” is the stage where partners feel intense passion, a deep connection and a feeling of mutual harmony.
Angelika Koch, relationship expert, explains in the columns of Bustle : “The honeymoon usually lasts three to six months. It ends when the novelty wears off and the connection becomes less exciting“. This is why she advises new couples to set a time marker for determining the sincerity of the relationship. “Three months is an ideal time frame for you to get a general idea of who the person is.“, Koch continues. “This helps you see if this is someone who plays games, has red flags, or really wants a relationship“.
A time needed to drop the masks?
Indeed, even if spending time together can help you perceive your mutual qualities, it happens that we mask our faults to please the other. The problem is that wearing a mask can be distressing, as Gabriela Reyes, marriage and family therapist, points out.
She told the media Well+Good on this subject : “It’s hard to pretend for long. When comfort sets in, each person’s true character emerges, and that’s when we can truly evaluate the relationship.”.
Listen to your instinct!
However, this “3 month rule” might not suit you. Indeed, it can put pressure on you regarding the viability of your relationship. Also, if your relationship manages to overcome this milestone, that does not mean that the ending could be happy. Sometimes a person can hide possible toxic behaviors for a period longer than three months.
Ultimately, the main thing is to listen to your instincts, and share your doubts with your partner as soon as possible. Psychotherapist and relationship expert Babita Spinelli tells the media Mind Body Green : “It’s important not to ignore your inner voice or instinct. If something doesn’t feel right, there’s a reason“.
Slide: 8 questions to ask your partner (and yourself) for a lasting relationship