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In a romantic relationship, we go through ups and downs. Sometimes, communication becomes difficult and the relationship seems on the verge of derailment. That’s where “shore flags” come in, subtle signals that indicate it’s time to take a step back and potentially strengthen your relationship.
We’ve heard of red flags, green flags, beige flags… and now here are shore flags. Shore flags are the signs (subtle or obvious) that you should take a break from your relationship. Unlike red flags, which are clear signs of an abusive or toxic relationship, shore flags are more likely signs of emotional incompatibility. They can take the form of unresolved conflicts, neglected individual needs, emotional exhaustion, poor communication, or other situations that you find problematic.
By spotting them, you not only avoid the accumulation of tension, but you save your relationship before it explodes. Christian Richomme, psychoanalyst, author and therapist in Paris, specialist in emotional disorders, explains in the columns of Vogue France : “By recognizing these signs, taking thoughtful, productive breaks, and establishing clear ground rules while setting shared goals, partners can use this time to strengthen their relationship and come back together with a deeper understanding and renewed connection.” He continues, “Couples can not only overcome obstacles but also strengthen their bond, creating a more lasting and fulfilling relationship.”
Taking a break from a romantic relationship can have its virtues. It can allow you not only to test the strength of your relationship, but also to start from scratch. For Fabienne Kraemer, psychoanalyst and author of the book “I take care of my relationship” (Éditions PUF) and requested by Shewhen a couple decides to take a break, “It’s about reinventing something together“. She adds : “The break weakens the relationship but proves one thing: that the couple in difficulty moves forward and takes steps to get better. He gives himself every chance“.
However, Christian Richomme advises determining the duration of this break by mutual agreement in order to avoid relational blurring. “Too long a period can create irreparable distance, while too short a period may not allow for true reflection. Generally, a duration of a few weeks to three months is recommended. Make sure you agree on a clear end date and stick to it“.
Recognizing these “shore flags” does not mean the end of the relationship, quite the contrary. It’s an opportunity to reflect and better understand everyone’s needs. This period can help to find oneself, individually and as a couple, in order to start again on healthier and more solid foundations.
Slide: Romantic breakup: 8 signs that the couple is over