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in collaboration with
Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)
Finding yourself single after a long period of married life happens. Whether due to separation, divorce or death. But after living with the same person for many years, how can you find love again? Particularly when we are afraid of no longer pleasing? The answers of Amélie Boukhobza, psychologist.
A relationship can end overnight for different reasons. Separations and divorces are common and some people even experience the misfortune of losing their spouse. How to find love again afterwards? Particularly when we fear that we no longer please, after many years spent alongside the same person?
The fear of no longer pleasing, a reality for both men and women
Indeed, finding love again after many years spent as a couple is not necessarily easy. These singles don’t want to make a mistake and hope to quickly find the right person. And it all depends on age, but some single people, when they reach fifty, fear the small health problems that can appear in their lives, such as menopause for women or sexual dysfunction for men. “Any separation is a necessarily destabilizing life event, whatever its age. confirms Amélie Boukhobza. “It can make us doubt our abilities to please again and find love again“.
The first thing to do is to give yourself time. “A time of mourning the previous relationship and accepting the emotions that pass through you, whether sadness, anger, anxiety is necessary” recalls the psychologist. “The fear of no longer pleasing is often linked to a shaking of self-confidence, due to the separation itself”.
But giving yourself time doesn’t mean doing nothing. “Don’t let yourself go and get back to an active lifestyle: various activities, theater, cinema, physical activity, sleep, etc. Respect your needs and seize every opportunity to not be alone and moping.” recommends our expert. This requires a caring circle of friends, a secure entourage who wants your best. “Take time to relax and indulge in activities that make you feel good.” advises the psychologist again.
With time it will get better. However, we must seek love without constraint, believes Amélie Boukhobza. “All means are good for meeting people and expanding your circle of acquaintances: social networks, dating sites, various events… Stay open to all proposals and invitations, without thinking too much or trying to please at all costs. . Trust yourself!”.
And most importantly, don’t rush into a new relationship. “Give time to time and believe in yourself. Things happen when you are ready to receive them” she still assures. Finally, if the situation is too complex, or too painful – particularly in the case of the death of a spouse – do not hesitate to consult a health professional to help you find balance.
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