Sarnia support group helps with healing, participant says

For Leanne Fera, finding people who understood what she was going through after her husband died was key.

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“The comfort I felt during that time period … it is unlike any other piece of counseling or support I have gone to or done in the last 21 months,” she said about the suicide loss support group she attended about a year ago.

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“I was finally with people who understood what it was that we were going through,” she said.

Fera’s husband, Len, died by suicide March 23, 2022.

The principal at St. Anne’s elementary school in Sarnia had been struggling and had taken a leave of absence the previous December, Fera said.

He was scheduled to attend counseling March 24, she said.

She and their three daughters, eight, 12, and 19 at the time, went instead, she said.

“Twenty-one months later and we are still there on a regular basis,” she said, calling the care they’ve received “phenomenal.”

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But the eight-week support group that started in September 2022 was different, she said.

“Because people just have no understanding” what it’s like, Fera said, recalling someone in the aftermath of her husband’s death telling her they could relate, because their spouse used to work out of town when their kids were young.

“So, it was nice to finally be with people who could understand,” Fera said.

Groups, held since 2017 through the Sarnia Lambton suicide prevention committee, focus on support from others, information about suicide and the grievance process, and offer a safe and confidential place to talk, while giving people strategies to help with healing, said Leanne Hodgins, one of the facilitators.

“The more that we can mourn in a healthy way, and connecting and talking to other individuals who have experienced the same type of traumatic loss is so incredibly helpful and healing,” she said.

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The group Fera attended in 2022 was the most recent one that ran, Hodgins said, after not enough registered for a group that was scheduled to start last September.

Typically, eight to 12 is considered a good number, she said.

Another group “hopefully” starts Feb. 5, if enough people register, she said.

“This is one of the first times we’ve reached out to the funeral homes and more social media, just to get it out there,” she said.

Meetings are 6 pm to 7:30 pm Mondays, until March 25 at Rapids Family Health Team, where Hodgins works as a social worker.

She also does private practice work at Great Lakes Neurofeedback and Counseling, another suicide loss support group partner.

Groups are free to attend, and the Sarnia Community Foundation and United Way of Sarnia-Lambton help cover costs, she said.

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People must have had counseling beforehand to register, she said.

“Because that’s a really important piece that they’ve been able to have that individual work before they come to the group.”

The groups are for people 18 and older and people can register by calling 226-840-2200.

Fera, who’s donated money to the suicide prevention committee, raised through a t-shirt campaign in her husband’s memory, is also part of an ongoing Side By Side group, comprised of group members who continue to meet for support even after the eight weeks.

“Some people wait for a short period of time then say, ‘I’m good’ … others continue to come,” Hodgins said, adding it’s about continuing that connection with others.

“We’ve had people who have come from Chatham, Grand Bend, because a lot of communities don’t have anything,” she said.

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Will also has started Project Mental Wellness that’s encouraging more talk and openness about suicide support.

“It’s very, very difficult for people to share their story when it comes to suicide because there’s so much shame attached to it,” Fera said.

She looks at suicide pathologically, she said, like a heart attack or a stroke.

“My husband was the greatest gift I ever had… his brain failed him,” she said.

Hopes are to encourage more openness in workplaces, and make sure people get information about available supports, she said.

Project Mental Wellness initiatives have included a beer branding campaign with Imperial City Brew House and a documentary, both titled Things We Should Say, to meet people where they are and encourage openness, she said.

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“The number of messages I get from people saying ‘I don’t know who to go to for help’ is incredible,” she said.

One is 988, a crisis suicide hotline in Canada that launched at the end of November, Hodgins said.

“It’s similar to 911, but it’s connecting people to suicide prevention services quite quickly.”

[email protected]

IF YOU NEED HELP

988 – suicide crisis hotline across Canada

519-464-4487 – Bluewater Health withdrawal management services

1-800-307-4319 – CMHA Lambton-Kent

519-337-3701 – St. Clair Child and Youth Services

1-833-622-1320 – Family Counseling Center Crisis line for youth

1-888-347-8737 – Distress line for adults

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