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When starting out with passion, many of us want to skip ahead. Be careful, “premature intimacy” (PMI) would be a big mistake, according to a romantic relationship expert.
You are convinced: you have just met your soul mate! If everyday life is transformed, be careful not to ruin everything by trying to move too quickly. PMI (“premature intimacy”) is one of the things to avoid, explains an expert.
What is “premature intimacy” (PMI)?
Behind the term “PMI” hides the concept of “premature intimacy” (“premature intimacy” in French). This “risky” behavior at the start of a relationship results in sharing too much… too quickly.
“This involves engaging in intimate behavior too early in a new relationship“, reveals Jessica Alderson, human relations expert at So Synced, in the columns of the magazine Stylist UK.
By intimate behavior we mean talking about future plans from the very first moments: “How many children do you want?”; “Are you ready to move in with me?”… But PMI can also be about physical intimacy. Faced with such haste, the other can then feel oppressed, as if trapped.
This can range from “holding hands prematurely or making a gesture” has “share very personal information or talk about future plans before the connection has had time to develop“, specifies the specialist.
“Clinging” to the other from the beginning of the relationship can also reveal premature intimate behavior.
The problem ? According to the dating site Plenty of Fish, which surveyed 6,000 Americans, premature intimacy has become one of the most common problems in marital relationships.
PMI: who is affected?
This irresistible need to be close to others is a common behavior among people lacking affection.
“Some people are afraid of being rejected or abandoned and think that by opening up quickly, they can create a strong bond”, she explains. These individuals may also think “that by being vulnerable and sharing personal information in the early stages of dating, their partner will view them as more desirable or more trustworthy,” says Jessica Alderson.
However, not only is this necessarily not the case, but as a bonus, moving too quickly can precipitate the relationship towards the end – the “mysterious” side of the other no longer exists.
A certain temporality must therefore be respected to build a healthy and balanced relationship.
“The gradual disclosure of personal details can contribute to the pleasure of discovering more about the other person over time”underlines Jessica Alderson.
As for the right attitude to adopt in the event of PMI, it is relatively simple: you just need to be transparent with your loved one.
“It’s important to share your discomfort or your feeling of not being ready for this level of intimacy. Be honest and direct but also understanding and empathetic. When it’s done the right way, it won’t harm your connection and could on the contrary create a stronger bond based on open communication and respect for each person’s limits”, concludes the expert.
Slide: 20 mistakes to avoid on the first date