“Pick me girl/boy”, this superficial attitude harms romantic and social relationships

The reality TV show “Love is Blind” (streaming on Netflix) features a social experiment in which single men and women looking for love become engaged before meeting in person. One episode in particular caused a lot of ink to flow: during a date with her suitor, Chelsea, a candidate, in an apparent attempt to safeguard her suitor’s interest, claimed that her friends told her that she looked like Megan Fox. An attitude that shocked many people, described as “pick me” according to Emma Hathorn, Dating Expert for Seeking.com. We explain to you how this type of behavior translates and what consequences it has on social relationships.

“Pick me” or the desire to please at all costs

“Pick me girl” or “Pick me boy” refers to a person who actively seeks to be noticed and chosen or preferred by potential partners, friends or social groups, often by emphasizing personality traits , opinions or behaviors that are meant to please or attract the attention of these groups. These people may try to distinguish themselves from others by adopting attitudes or opinions designed to please, attract attention, gain approval or affection, sometimes at the expense of their own authenticity or by denigrating their peers.

“Pick me” women and men can use different strategies:

• “Pick me girls” are often criticized for their tendency to unconsciously devalue themselves or to reinforce gender stereotypes in order to please men in particular, by asserting for example that they are “not like other girls ” or by highlighting their difference as being more understanding and helpful or less demanding than their female counterparts.
• “Pick me boys” may adopt behaviors aimed at showing themselves as the “perfect man” or emphasizing their unique differences from “other men” in order to make themselves more attractive in the eyes of others. potential partners.

The risks and consequences for “Pick me” people

Being a “Pick me girl” or a “Pick me boy” carries several risks and potential consequences, both psychologically and socially. Here are some of the main risks:

• Loss of Authenticity: By constantly seeking to please others with behaviors or opinions that do not reflect one’s true feelings or beliefs, individuals can drift away from their own identity. This loss of authenticity can lead to feelings of emptiness or personal dissatisfaction.
• Dependence on external approval: When self-esteem is strongly linked to how others perceive us, it can lead to an unhealthy dependence on the approval and attention of others. This dependence can make it difficult to make decisions based on one’s own wants or needs.
• Superficial Relationships: Relationships based on a molded version of oneself can lack depth and authenticity. “Pick me girls/boys” risk building bonds based on distorted perceptions of their personality by their partners, which can lead to disappointment and feelings of loneliness.
• Reinforcement of harmful gender stereotypes: By engaging in behaviors that reinforce gender stereotypes, “Pick Me” helps perpetuate reductive ideas about what it means to be a man or a woman. This can not only limit their own self-expression, but also reinforce limiting societal expectations of others.
• Criticism and social isolation: “Pick me” behaviors can be perceived negatively by peers, because they often induce a more or less indirect depreciation of others, or a desperate attitude, leading to criticism, mockery or even social isolation. This negative reaction can affect self-esteem and worsen feelings of loneliness.
• Compromise on personal values: In an effort to please others, individuals may be tempted to compromise on their own values ​​or principles. This can lead to regret or internal conflict when these compromises conflict with their core beliefs.
• Pressure and stress: The constant pressure to maintain a desirable image in the eyes of others can be a source of stress and anxiety. This can impact mental and physical health. for their relationships.

To seduce, focus on authenticity

According to Emma Hathorn, Dating Expert for Seeking.com, “in the context of competition to seduce, whether on shows like “Love is Blind” or on dating sites, acting with honesty and elegance is essential to stand out positively To do this, it is better to focus on authenticity and self-confidence: be true to who you are, by sharing your interests and passions sincerely. The key lies in the balance between, showing interest, willingness to please, preserving one’s own identity and values ​​and maintaining a certain reserve. Avoiding adapting to the desires and expectations of the potential partner to please him or criticizing others to attract his attention. Listen attentively and show empathy, which reflects not only respect for others but also emotional maturity. Prioritize quality over quantity in your interactions, seeking to establish genuine connections rather than accumulating matches or superficial compliments . Finally, remember that dignity and self-respect naturally attract the respect of others and thus allow us to create relationships on solid, healthy and authentic foundations.

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