Published on
updated on
Reading 3 min.
in collaboration with
Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)
Medical validation:
October 27, 2024
While Gilles Lellouche’s new feature film, “L’Amour ouf”, is at the top of the box office, the feelings that bind Clotaire (François Civil) and Jackie (Adèle Exarchopoulos) raise questions. How to distinguish passionate love from destructive madness? Our expert’s answer.
“L’amour Ouf” is the latest feature film by Gilles Lellouche which is causing a sensation in theaters. A generous and chaotic work, which interweaves romance and gangster film, carried by a five-star cast (Adèle Exarchopoulos, François Civil, Mallory Wanecque, Malik Frikah, Alain Chabat, Benoît Poelvoorde, Vincent Lacoste…). But while this masterpiece tells the story of an impossible love story (between two teenagers, then two adults), how can we distinguish passion from madness? What boundary lies between these two psychological states? Amélie Boukhobza reveals some avenues for reflection.
“L’Amour ouf”: an impossible love story set against a backdrop of clashes between gangsters
“Phew Love” tells the story of a passionate and electric love story against a backdrop of pop violence from the 80s. However, this story is first and foremost that of two teenagers (Jackie and Clotaire) who are separated by everything (she is a good student , he is a young delinquent).
If they nevertheless fall quickly in love, leaving the bus, the twelve years in prison he receives for a crime will precipitate the couple towards their downfall. But ten years later, Clotaire was released. She, married, leads a tidy little life. But, nothing helps, these two are like the “two ventricles of the same heart“…Kamikaze love makes them capsize.
But how far will this overflowing passion go? What is the limit that should not be crossed? We asked the question to our expert psychologist.
Kamizake love, a dangerous game
When we talk about passionate love, we often talk about this intensity.which makes the heart beat to the point of choking, a need for the other which almost resembles a dependence. And how much we are willing to do and how far we are willing to go for love…”, reveals, in the preamble, Amélie Boukhobza. But then where does the madness begin?
“Passionate love can quickly turn into an obsession, a dangerous game where you gradually lose your sense of limits and yourself. This feeling of being “possessed” by the other and dispossessed of oneself can become a trap: by ignoring one’s personal needs, one risks getting lost in them.” she warns.
Get lost in it to the point of mixing madness and love, two very distinct emotions.
“In passion, there is something reciprocal, an intensity where the two are caught up, together, in a story that can sometimes go as far as the unreasonable. While madness seems to loom when an imbalance sets in, when one begins to take power over the other, and the other comes to accept all the delusions and behaviors that are no longer shared”, semphasizes the practitioner.
So in passion, even if it’s crazy, “iThere are no harmful consequences“, reveals the expert.
Conversely, in madness, “we are ready to go as far as acts which show that we have completely lost our sense of reality, often leaving after-effects behind. I’m thinking of the film Bait for example.”
This pivotal moment often manifests itself when the passion, which initially fuels the energy of the relationship, begins to eclipse reason and personal balance.
“This tipping point is on the side of self-annihilation: we can love passionately, even love “madly”, without losing ourselves completely. Passion, as intoxicating as it may be, must leave space for individual freedom“, recalls Amélie Boukhobza.
Thus, love of any kind, even if it is full of passion, is based on a “autonomy respected“, on a balance”between fusion-dependence and respect for individuality”.
“We may be brushing against borders, but without ever crossing the one that would make us forget who we are“, concludes the expert.
Important detail: this shift can be gradual, and occur in stages, as borders blur. To recognize this moment, you must know how to step back and ask yourself the right questions about the nature of the emotions felt.
Slide: How to rediscover the passion of the first days