Peter Pan syndrome: 6 signs, test, what is it?

Peter Pan Syndrome is a psychological concept put forward by the psychoanalyst Dan Kile in 1983. It designates a person who refuses to grow up, who does not want adult responsibilitiesin reference to the character of Peter Pan, an eternal little boy who lives in Neverland. “This syndrome is quite common, to varying degrees. He touches more often men and is built in childhood” informs Marie-Laure Brouillard AIRE Psychoanalyst (Bordeaux and Andernos les Bains). It is not recognized in clinical psychology.

6 signs of Peter Pan syndrome

A person, most often a man, who has this syndrome, lives on the fringes of adult life.

• It is characterized by a physical and emotional immaturity
• He procrastinates when it comes to making an adult decision
• He refuses responsibilities
• He can’t face the real world
• He is in magical thinking with the idea that it is the world which will adapt to him
• He tries to make the world the way he wants it to be: to achieve this, the person suffering from this disorder can manipulate those around him. “The person embodies a carefree child who makes fun of everything on the surface but deep down he is very sensitive” indicates Marie-Laure Brouillard.

What are the causes ?

Peter Pan Syndrome finds its roots in childhood. “Peter Pan Syndrome most often begins in a boy whose family life is apparently good but in which the mother will denigrate the father and where the latter says nothing, hiding his sadness behind the appearance of an untouchable strong man” describes the psychoanalyst. Result : the child does not have a good image of his father and does not want to be an adult man. He also sees that his mother feels poorly supported by his father and wonders “What’s the point of growing up?” “This child finds himself alone with this couple and does not feel valued, he will try to be perfect to be loved by his father and mother. Little by little, he will lose self-confidence because he cannot achieve this perfection” explains the psychoanalyst.

What test to diagnose it?

There does not exist no diagnostic test strictly speaking because Peter Pan Syndrome is not a clinical entity. It is not included in the DSM (the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). The psychologist or psychiatrist consulted by the person himself or by one of his relatives can make the diagnosis by asking questions and seeing if the patient wants to be in perfection, wants the world to be wonderful, if he manages to take hindsight or not, if he is capable of feeling and expressing emotions… We can thus determine if it is a Peter Pan Syndrome in progress or if the patient has come out of this syndrome or is in the process of to get out. “If the person begins to express their emotions, their discomfort, they begin to no longer be in this syndrome. underlines the psychoanalyst.

Behavior in the couple

“Generally when a couple moves in with one of them affected by Peter Pan Syndrome the other is mothering or paternal“ indicates Marie-Laure Brouillard. “This maintains child’s posture”. For a person with such a Syndrome to emerge from it, it is essential that the spouse is no longer fathering/mothering and that either re-established adult-to-adult communication. What to say? “We’re both going to make an effort to be adults.”

To get through this, support from a competent person (psychologist, psychotherapist, psychiatrist) is essential. A therapy helps to cure it. Support from loved ones is essential. “LThe surroundings must be caring. It’s about surrounding this person, valuing them without mothering them.” indicates Marie-Laure Brouillard.

Thanks to Marie-Laure Brouillard AIRE Psychoanalyst (Bordeaux and Andernos les Bains).