All these experiences will make us think “I am not enough”.
Self-confidence allows us to achieve all our ambitions. Without it, we are afraid to make decisions, to assert ourselves, to have an opinion, free will or a critical sense. But “Self-esteem and self-confidence should not be confused.” Self-esteem is the way we love ourselves unconditionally without judging ourselves with our flaws and vulnerabilities, explains Laurence Delinot, hypnotherapist. Whereas self-confidence is confidence in your skills, in what you can do.” It’s normal to lack confidence when doing something for the first time because you lack experience, but if it becomes recurring, it may be because a pattern has formed from childhood.
Lack of trust begins when we are infants, during the creation of what we call the “secure bond” with our attachment figure (a parental figure, most often the mother). “When my mother doesn’t take care of me, doesn’t respond to my needs consistently, it will create anxiety, for example”continues Laurence Delinot. Certain experiences experienced during childhood will promote loss of self-confidence, in particular:
- growing up with anxious parents: “In general a child will absorb the parents’ anxiety” reminds the hypnotherapist
- being raised by demeaning, controlling, psychologically and/or physically abusive parents
- knowing a teacher at school who has a habit of making humiliating comments in front of everyone
- being excluded by classmates
- being bullied by your big brother or sister
- experiencing toxic relationships, especially during adolescence: “After an anxious childhood, we can lack trust in our relationship. We can also have difficulty saying “no” and therefore be potentially “abusable”, unlike someone who has enough self-confidence to set limits. and to recognize what is good for him.”
- experiencing difficult breakups
In fact, all these experiences will make us think “I am not enough”. In adulthood, lack of confidence can manifest itself in different ways, for example through anger, anxiety or a feeling of injustice. And there can be an impact on work, family, friendship and love. Within their family, for example, the person will have difficulty finding their place, asserting themselves and will seek recognition from their parents by always questioning themselves. “The risk is that people who lack self-confidence too often rely on the opinions of others rather than their own opinions. These people will judge themselves by the eyes of others” explains the expert.
But nothing is lost. It is possible to work on yourself by consulting a therapist or psychologist to help understand where this lack of confidence comes from and where the unconscious blockages come from. “Certain encounters can also give us confidence, reassure us and help us to think again for ourselves, without judging ourselves” recalls the specialist. The more we are surrounded by positive, caring and grateful people, the more we will feel valued and we will be able to gain self-confidence.