Emotions and feelings are perceptible through the eyes.
“The eyes are the mirrors of the soul,” says the proverb. And for good reason, if eye contact is sometimes so difficult to establish, it is because our emotions shine through our eyes. A look can be enough to fall in loveto make someone feel uncomfortable, to trigger an argument or a fight, to arouse apprehension or even disgust. Avoiding a glance can therefore have a positive or negative connotation. But what is really behind the fear of looking someone in the eye? Answers from Pascal Anger, clinical psychologist in Paris.
Emotions and feelings are perceptible through the gaze. Looking someone in the eye is, in a way, like exposing yourself to your interlocutor. However, this is very complicated when you lack self-confidence and self-esteem. You are afraid of revealing yourself in spite of yourself and being exposed to the judgment of the other. “Very often, it is shy people who have difficulty looking their interlocutors straight in the eye. This attitude also denotes a certain modesty and an inferiority complex. A dominant-dominated relationship can be established, they will feel a little belittled and consequently, unable to look the other person in the face. Generally speaking, it is not easy to be able to look the other person in the face and tell them the truth in the eyes.”comments Pascal Anger.
The shifty gaze can also find its origin in childhood with the education of our parents. Very early on, some learned to lower their eyes when their parents spoke to them. “You don’t speak to me in that tone”, “lower your eyes when I speak to you”, “don’t roll your eyes”… So many phrases that the child has assimilated as a mark of respect towards his parents. However, when we have been conditioned to avoid the gaze of others since we were very young, it is complicated to change things in adulthood. “Hence the importance of being careful not to reproduce an educational method because this would create adults who will not have confidence in themselves and will not be able to look straight into the eyes”insists the clinical psychologist.
Sometimes we have something to hide and we are afraid of being unmasked. Avoiding the gaze of the other is then a way to prevent them from discovering our feelings and emotions. However, not being able to hold the gaze is not always true. When the person feels confident, valued at their true worth, they generally have no problem looking the other person straight in the eye.