Lack of empathy, difficulty trusting…
People who grew up with strict parents retain certain behaviors and reflexes into adulthood. They have a relationship with authority, a way of managing conflicts and approaching social relationships which are characteristic.
These people can be authoritarian in turn as adults. “This tendency to reproduce is explained by different psychological mechanisms of learning which push the child to model himself from the parental schema. These repetition schemas can be put in place early, through mental rigidity. We will have a tendency to become controlling, a little rigid, in respect of strict rules, of obedience, because we have been raised in a model of punishments with sometimes negative consequences”develops Sébastien Garnero, clinical psychologist, sexologist and hypnotherapist.
During their childhood, people who had strict parents were accustomed to everything being done in a certain way, and in a very specific order. In adulthood, this often results in a certain mental rigidity: daily life is meticulous, everything is well prepared, sometimes too much since it is impossible for them to change the course of events. People who have had authoritarian parents want to be in control. This often goes hand in hand with perfectionism, they impose pressure and demands on themselves in everything they do.
Conversely, they may want to escape conflicts. “The fact of having grown up with strict parents can also lead one not to become strict, as opposed to the authoritarian totalitarian system in which one was raised, and not to seek this type of bond in one’s social relationships or with one’s children”informs the specialist. So much so that we sometimes lack authority and engage in forms of avoidance. In family and professional relationships, we prefer to avoid authority relationships and conflicts, even if it means showing a certain laxity.
When the family environment does not allow the child to freely express his emotions, he develops an avoidant attachment. Authoritarian parents are often cold, physically distant and do not let their feelings show. From a very young age, children learn to keep things to themselves. In adulthood, this translates into difficulty integrating socially, avoiding proximity, a lack of empathy, difficulty trusting or even the desire not to owe anything to anyone.
Finally, people who grew up with strict parents often tend to recreate a form of authoritarian leadership in their social relationships. They apply strict rules to themselves and expect others to follow them too. They are generally not very warm, very demanding and rigid. “These character traits are often associated with a refusal of the authority of others. When authority is weighted, regulated and adapted to circumstances, it is a quality. On the other hand, dominant authoritarianism reflects a borderline personality (personality problematic, aggressive, manipulative)”adds Sébastien Garnero.