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Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical Psychologist)
For several weeks, you have been very bothered: you do not like your child’s friend and you do not know how to get out of this situation. Good news: Amélie Boukhobza, psychologist, gives you the perfect user guide to react calmly and discerningly.
At school, during volleyball lessons or at home: that’s how it is, you’ve always had little appreciation for Nathanaël, your son’s friend. However, you’ve tried to get used to his presence, but this child who’s always involved in mischief has never inspired confidence in you. So how can you react intelligently? Should you encourage your child to distance yourself from him or take it upon yourself? Amélie Boukhobza, psychologist, helps us see things more clearly.
Why don’t we like our child’s friend?
Humans are made like that, we feel close to some and less to others. Also, when we don’t like our child’s friend, the atmosphere can quickly turn sour.
“When you don’t like your child’s friend, it’s often complicated!” confirms Amélie Boukhobza.
And if one feels absolutely no sympathy or empathy towards him, this can be explained:
“Whether it’s because he doesn’t inspire confidence in us or because he seems to exert a negative influence on our child: we may not like him for many reasons.“. But in any case,”The situation requires skill, delicacy and discernment“, confirms the psychologist.
According to Amélie Boukhobza, it is essential to take a step back from the situation – and from this child who asked for nothing (apart from being friends with yours).
“Before drawing conclusions, we listen and observe carefully. We take the time to note any changes in behavior or attitude in our child,” she recommends, as a preamble.At the same time, there is open discussion about its friendshipswithout making any judgment. We ask questions to understand what he or she appreciates about this friend, what they do together and how it goes because it can be very enlightening…”, the expert continues.
Then comes the fateful moment: the one where we are going to tell our little one what we really think of his friend. A speech, to be adapted of course according to his age, his maturity but also to the situation (if this friend is his only support at school, his only confidant, be careful to choose your words carefully).
“Sometimes it is necessary to explain one’s point of view, especially if one considers that the relationship is toxic. We can give concrete examples to invite our child to think and become aware of the unhealthy aspect of this relationship. However, we avoid hasty judgments and direct criticism. Because direct criticism could push our child to close up or get closer to this person we don’t like,” warns the specialist.
And if the situation becomes too worrying? In this case, it is time to take action.
“We ask questions boundaries clear about behaviors that displease us, explaining the reasons. For example, we can define rules about activities or places that we consider inappropriate. On encourages his child to participate in other activities or join other groups so that he meets new friends with different values”, advises Amélie Boukhobza.
Finally, if the situation becomes really worrying and your child seems in danger, “We do not hesitate to consult a psychologist to obtain suitable advice.“, recommends the psychologist in conclusion.
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