Our Favorite Songs Reveal Our Attachment Styles

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Our Favorite Songs Reveal Our Attachment Styles

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    According to a recent Canadian study, our playlist says a lot about our personality and more specifically about the way we act in our relationships.

    Listening to Adele, The Weeknd or Edith Piaf does not have the same influence on our love, friendship and family life. Indeed, the lyrics of our favorite songs reflect our individual attachment styles, according to a new study published in the journal Personal Relationships.

    Songs tell us about our relationships with others

    “I’m interested in the role music plays in people’s lives. Ever since humans started making music tens of thousands of years ago, songs across cultures have always focused on relationships – making one, maintaining one, or breaking one – so I wonder if people listen to music that reflects their experiences in relationships?” says Dr. Ravin Alaei.

    He and his colleagues have discovered that people’s attachment styles match the lyrics of their favorite songs. In other words, we tend to go back to the tunes that explain what we’re going through in a relationship, for better or for worse.

    “The lyrics to your favorite relationship songs can help validate your thoughts and feelings, but can also reveal things about your relationship experiences that you may not have realized – something you go through repeatedly, to which you keep bumping into each other“, says Dr. Ravin Alaei.

    Four Attachment Styles

    We would schematically distinguish 4 styles of attachment:

    • Anxious / fusional attachment (people fear being rejected and seek a lot to be reassured);
    • Avoidant / fearful attachment (people are more “closed” and independent, tend to have a lot of negative apprehension about their relationships and show little emotion);
    • Secure attachment (people have a rather optimistic view of relationships, are open to communication and trust their partners);
    • Mixed/chaotic attachment (people have confused expectations and can sometimes be clingy, but also very cold).

    570 people and 7000 songs screened

    The researchers recorded the favorite songs of 570 people and closely analyzed 7,000 songs – in order to classify them by “attachment style”. according to their words.

    Results ? People who had trouble bonding with their partners and who put distance in their relationships preferred music that spoke of avoidance.

    Anxious people, on the other hand, thwarted the predictions.

    “JI expected to see a clear relationship between anxious people and anxious songs because they are the most emotional, but surprisingly this was the most tenuous result.“, reveals Dr. Alaei.

    However, researchers do not yet know whether listening to this or that kind of music helps us or affects our relationships with others.

    They make it clear, however, that the music remains “a very powerful exacerbator because it stimulates our deep emotions and memories“.

    What do your favorite songs reveal about your attachment style?

    Here are some of the tracks that research participants chose for their playlists:

    Songs Related to Avoidant Attachment

    • Beyoncé, Irreplaceable
    • Chris Brown, Say Goodbye
    • N’Sync, Bye Bye Bye
    • Michael Jackson, Billie Jean
    • TLC, Scrubs
    • Rihanna, Take a Bow
    • The Weeknd, The Hills; Heartless

    Songs related to anxious attachment

    • Adele, Someone Like You
    • The Police, Every Breath You Take
    • Miley Cyrus, Wrecking Ball
    • Adele, Hello
    • U2, One
    • Seether, Broken
    • No Doubt, Don’t Speak
    • Bruno Mars, When I Was Your Man
    • Drake, Hotline Bling

    Songs related to a secure attachment

    • Sonny & Cher, I Got You Babe
    • Whitney Houston, I Will Always Love You
    • The Beatles, Love Me Do
    • Ed Sheeran, Thinking Out Loud
    • Plain White Ts, I Love You
    • John Legend, All of Me
    • Michael Bublé, Haven’t Met You Yet
    • Beach Boys, Wouldn’t It Be Nice
    • Bryan Adams, (Everything I Do) I Do It for You
    • Etta James, At Last
    • Justin BieberHoly

    Songs Related to Mixed Attachment

    • Carrie Underwood, Before He Cheats
    • Gotye, Somebody that I Used to Know
    • Taylor Swift, Bad Blood
    • Sam Smith, I’m Not the Only One
    • Ne Yo, So Sick
    • Bonnie Raitt, I Can’t Make You Love Me
    • Adele, Rolling in the Deep
    • Rihanna ft. Drake, Work
    • Eminem ft. Rihanna, Love the Way You Lie

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