Does your baby suddenly start refusing everything you offer? This phase of opposition, also called the “no period”, is completely normal in children. But at what age does it occur and until when? How to react ? Analysis and advice from Céline Masmonteil, psychologist.
There opposition phasealso known as the “no” periodoccurs in most young children, usually from the age of 18 months. It is an important step in child developmentduring which your little one is more assertiveseeks to haveautonomy and uses the famous “no” almost everywhere. For parents, this period can be difficult to understand and manage as emotions and crying sometimes vary from one day to the next. The psychologist Céline Masmonteil shares her advice to us to react calmly to this period of no.
At what age does the opposition phase begin in children?
In children, the opposition phase usually occurs between the ages of 18 months and 3 years, it is for this reason that it is sometimes called the “terrible two” which starts around the 2 years of the child! “The opposition phase is a perfectly normal stage of child development. On the contrary, we must worry about not seeing it express itself”, explains Céline Masmonteil.
“The opposition phase is a normal stage of child development. On the contrary, we must worry about not seeing it express itself.”
How long does the no period last in a child?
The period of no can last several months or even a few years. In general, it lasts until the child is 3 years old.
Why does baby say “no” to everything?
This period of nowhich may look like a small period of teenage rebellionis above all the expression in the child “of a need to assert oneself in the confrontation“, details the expert. As he grows up, the child’s language develops, he thus becomes aware that he is an individual in his own right and “he discovers his autonomy at the same time as he becomes aware of his dependence“, she adds.
On the one hand there is everything he wants to do on his own, and on the other hand the reality of what he is capable of doing. As a result, as soon as an obstacle gets in his way, he experiences it as a disaster. The psychologist Céline Masmonteil compares this state to a real emotional storm : “the child becomes red, hot and taps his feet. The expression of his anger is above all physical“, she comments.
Why is the opposition phase useful for the child?
Even if this phase of opposition is sometimes difficult to pass, it is in reality essential in the construction of the child. “This stage, very structuring for the future, is revealing of its singularity, the assertion of its personality and its needs. It is exciting because the child becomes aware of his place in the world and the impact his reactions have on others. But it’s also nerve-wracking because it comes up against frustration and a simple reality principle. : we can’t do what we want“, emphasizes the specialist. This is precisely where the parents come in, whose role will be both to help the child understand his emotions, but also to impose certain limits on him.
“This stage, very structuring for the future, is revealing of its singularity, the affirmation of its personality and its needs”.
During the no period, parents are often helpless in the face of their children’s crises. They don’t know how to react and sometimes fear being wrongly bossy. “Parents wonder a lot and there is a real question of the legitimacy of the function of authority. ‘Do I have the right to limit this? Am I going to traumatize him?’“, lists the expert. However, she wants to reassure parents: “you have a responsibility to set limits to the omnipotence of your child. By resisting his anger and his aggression, you show him that you are present. And what could be more reassuring for a child to feel that his parent holds the road?
Helping your child express their emotions
First of all, the expert advises to help the child to put into words what he feels, talking to him about what he is going through. “You are angry, you are very angry, I understand that. But you can’t always do what you want.” You have to explain to him that you understand his anger, but also tell him why he has to put on a coat to go out, or why he can’t have a candy just before going to the table.
Find alternatives
When the child feels frustrated at not having what he wants, you can then propose an alternative, like a piece of carrot for example if you are preparing the starter. It’s important to stay positive and not close the dialogue.
Reassure the child
If the child is in crisis, it is best to wrap and contain him gently, to reassure him, but also to prevent him from hurting himself or others. Then, you will have to discuss with him what has just happened. The right authority is the one who says “I can’t let you do anything”, says the psychologist.
Teach the child to fix his mistakes
He must be taught to express anger differentlygiving him the words, but also encouraging him to “fix” when he does something wrong: “tidy up the room, fix the stupidity or everything this will prevent him from feeling guilty after the fact“, announces Celine Masmonteil.
Why do we have to react during the opposition phase?
There is a real risk in not learning to the child to control his emotions and manage his frustration. He must understand that, if he is not guilty of his emotions, they must nevertheless be regulated. By not reacting, the parent puts his child in some way in danger. “There is nothing more tyrannical than a child who feels responsible for authorityan authority based on anguish. This can lead to real discomfort, but also relationship difficulties and endangerment outside the reassuring family environment.. At nursery, at school or in his future life, these outbursts take on a whole new dimension. insists the psychologist.
“There is nothing more tyrannical than a child who feels responsible for authority. This can lead to relationship difficulties.”
Moreover, the child is very sensitive to the attitude of his parents. Indeed, it is difficult for him to understand that he must say hello when entering a store if you do not do it yourself… Parents must be consistent in what they say and his attitude : “banging on a child’s hand to tell him not to hit, yelling at a child to tell him not to shout, that makes no sense!“, recalls the psychologist. The parent’s word must also be credible. “Iblackmail is ineffective! If you say something, you have to go to the end, hold absolutely“, insists the specialist.
Thanks to Céline Masmonteil, psychologist in Paris.