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In everyday life, it is normal to want to help others when they are going through difficult times, whether it is a friend, a colleague, a family member or a partner. However, for some people, this need can become excessive and toxic for their mental health. This is called nurse syndrome.
Nurse syndrome refers to an excessive need to help others. Although this may seem like altruism, the reality is different. Those affected are attracted to those who have personal problems, such as addiction or depression, in their close or romantic relationships. This syndrome mainly affects women.
“The nurse will therefore go exclusively or almost exclusively to ‘sick’ partners in the broad sense: social phobia, addictions, extreme shyness, depression, unstable mental health, etc.“, explains Dr. Béatrice Millêtre, doctor of psychology, in an article in the Journal des Femmes.”The nurse will mainly attract profiles who are looking for a maternal, caring, authority figure and who are waiting to be saved. She will do everything to solve her partner’s problems.” she says.
This excessive need to help should not be confused with the desire to help a spouse in need, an essential pillar of a healthy relationship. In the case of nurse syndrome, the person tends to forget themselves and put the well-being of others before their own. Nor should it be confused with savior syndrome, another pathology where the need for help is motivated by the search for gratitude. Conversely, the nurse does not seek anything in return.
The psychological consequences of this syndrome are not negligible. These people can develop, in the long term, anxiety disorders, sleep disorders and eating disorders. They tend to give everything for others, neglecting their health, their finances, their appearance and their well-being.They are confident in their mission, but like everyone else, they have their limits, and can end up running out of steam when used by those around them.“, notes Aline Nativel Id Hammou, psychologist approached by Top Health.
How to treat this disorder? The first step is to become aware of the problem.We need to ask ourselves the following question: does my desire to help or take care of others, especially my partner, fill a need or a lack?“, analyzes Dr. Millêtre. If this need is an integral part of the individual’s personality, he or she can choose to channel it in a constructive manner, for example by engaging in volunteer work, rather than expressing it in a problematic way. Therapeutic follow-up can be beneficial to redefine the bases of a healthy relationship.”We must ask ourselves what we expect from a relationship, what needs does helping others satisfy in us?“, recommends Dr. Millêtre. Ultimately, it is essential to work on your self-confidence, whether with the help of a therapist, through reading, webinars or by seeking support from those around you (friends, family, etc.).