Nobody Wants This (Netflix). Can we love each other lastingly despite different beliefs?

in collaboration with

Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)

When a young, recently single rabbi meets a sexologist and agnostic podcaster, it can lead to an explosive development full of twists and turns. Enough in any case to make it the subject of the latest fall romantic comedy from Netflix.

A rabbi, an agnostic. Twice Upon a Time

In Nobody Wants Thisvisible on the platform from today, Joanne and Noah (played by Kristen Bell and Adam Brody) thus experience getting closer to and loving a partner far from their personal convictions.

A plot which thus leaves the field open to numerous chaotic and comical situations (notably with their reluctant and destabilized families) but which, in itself, poses a real question. Can we be open enough to accept the certainties of others, and love each other despite everything today in a multicultural society? The series gives its version of the answer. For our part, we asked our psychologist for his opinion.

The couple, another space where different visions are expressed

For Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist, the pitch of the series is in any case tempting. “Plunging us into an unexpected meeting between a rabbi and an agnostic sexologist is a bit improbable… but it still raises a universal question: can we love and build a solid relationship when our beliefs diverge, or even when ‘one has no religion at all?’

At first glance, we would be tempted to say that religious differences can logically set themselves up as obstacles, whether by the partners, their family, their clan. They even avoid this possibility from the start. In reality, however, believing or not is not necessarily prohibitive, as long as you know how to let the other express your own belief.

“In my opinion, this can even be a real asset. The relationship is not simply cohabiting, it is co-creating, together, a new, other, third space. In this case, it is not a question of not to convince the other of our own beliefs, but rather to accept that the other’s universe is as valid and important as ours. It is only in this dynamic of openness that love can. flourish, even if we do not share the same faith.

However, life as a couple with divergent beliefs will not be easy, says our psychologist. But it can be possible, if we want it, and we are ready to respect others.

“The main thing is to speak. To speak truth, to be ready to ask questions, to listen without judgment, to accept that the other does not function in the same way as you”, underlines Amélie Boukhobza. After all, beliefs and values ​​are at the heart of identity. And this is where a large part of the possible or impossible in the relationship comes into play. “I always say, if the fundamental values ​​are common and the respective expectations are compatible, then everything is possible, beyond religions.”

The other essential is flexibility. Are you capable of it, or not. “Love still requires a certain flexibility of mind. This does not mean abandoning one’s convictions, but allowing the other to be who they are… Sometimes it takes a little adjustment, adjustments, compromises or even composition to maintain the balance of the relationship. But it doesn’t matter!”

Can love do everything?

Finally, and above all, the main ingredient in this unusual situation remains love, according to the expert. “Maybe I’m too romantic, but I still believe that love can do anything, including transcending differences, because it touches something bigger, more fundamental than beliefs themselves.

So can we love each other when we don’t share the same religion? The answer is yes… provided you are ready to enter this space of vulnerability, where you leave room for others, without erasing yourself. “Because deep down, that’s what love is: discovering yourself, also confronting yourself, and sometimes even reinventing yourself.”