Don’t force yourself anymore…
We can’t please everyone, and that’s normal. Our character, our values, our interests… hit the mark or not. But how do we know if we displease a person? Some people clearly announce their colors. Most of the time, the person exhibits at least one or two of the following behaviors, and that’s enough to understand.
► She doesn’t make an effort to talk to you or get to know you : If, every time you talk, this person seems totally uninterested in what you are saying, never starts the conversation again and even waits until it runs out of steam before leaving, it is a sign that they have no desire to get to know you.
► She always disagrees with you: No matter what the topic is, this person takes the opposite view of your opinion and it is impossible for you to agree on anything. According to psychologists, this attitude is indicative that the person does not care about what you think and feel because he has a negative perception of you. Also, no matter what you say, whether you are right or wrong, he systematically rejects what you put forward.
► She makes sure not to spend time with you : the person does not want to be with you. They systematically refuse your proposals for outings and your appointments, or cancel them at the last minute. This is a sign that they do not want to share moments with you.
“Under the cover of a harmless or humorous remark, there is, in reality, a subtle criticism”
► She often criticizes you: A person who doesn’t like you can be very critical of you: what you say, what you do, what you wear, what you like… is subject to being devalued. The words chosen can be mean, belittling… Sometimes, the most skillful use the passive-aggressive technique. “Under the cover of a harmless or humorous remark, there is in reality a subtle criticism… which can sometimes go unnoticed by others,” says Dr. Patrick Lemoine, psychiatrist. How can you discern this type of criticism? Trust your feelings! If after hearing it, you feel a kind of unease, it is because this remark was surely not well-intentioned.
► A person who doesn’t like you will put physical distance between you : she will stand more than a meter away to talk to you, will not turn completely towards you, will avoid any prolonged eye contact, will not touch you… When she talks to you, she may also keep her arms crossed over her chest. This is a sign of protection on the part of your interlocutor: it shows that the person is not comfortable with you, that she is closed to discussion and on the defensive. “If, in addition, she yawns when you talk, looks away, out the window, constantly checks the time, discreetly glances at her emails on her phone, that’s not a good sign either,” says Dr. Lemoine. And the tone of his voice also matters: it can be drier, higher and the flow faster.
“If the person clearly shows that they don’t like you, there’s no point in trying to get to know them! The best thing to do is to avoid them, recommends the psychiatrist. If unfortunately this is not possible for you (colleague, superior, family member, etc.), it is important to stay calm and maintain courteous interactions: avoid unnecessary confrontations and stay focused on the needs of the conversation.” Also try not to take everything she says to you personally: remember that people judge through their past, their habits, their limits… and that their criticism says more about them than about you!
Thanks to Dr. Patrick Lemoine, psychiatrist and author of “What are symptoms for”, Eds. Odile Jacob.