Narcissism, here is the symptom that almost everyone neglects according to a specialist

Narcissism, often misunderstood, manifests itself as a combination of character traits that make interpersonal relationships complex and sometimes toxic. Yet one crucial symptom is often overlooked, even by therapists: a blatant inability to truly listen to others. This lack of listening is not just a bad habit; it is a profound indicator of narcissistic patterns that can undermine personal and professional relationships.

A character trait that is difficult to detect (even for psychologists)

Narcissistic individuals often show two faces. In the presence of people they perceive as having power or authority – such as a therapist they respect – they may behave seemingly attentive and open. A study published in the Journal of Research in Personality shows that this attitude is misleading. As soon as the power dynamic shifts, such as when interacting with a spouse or co-worker, their true nature as a poor listener resurfaces.

As Professor Anita Vangelisti explains, these behaviors include:

• Disdain: minimizing or ignoring the points raised by the other;
• Systematic refutation: systematically contesting or denying the opinions expressed;
• Highlighting errors: focusing on what is “wrong” in what is said, rather than on what is valid.

These behavior patterns, although obvious in social interactions, often escape therapists. For what ? Because the majority of them work with isolated individuals, without having the opportunity to observe their patients’ real interactions with others.

Revealing clues

Narcissistic individuals are often prolific speakers, but their listening skills are almost non-existent. This results in selective listening and automatic rejection of any opinion different from theirs. Here are two revealing clues:

• Use of the word “but”: Narcissists frequently use “but” to invalidate what has been said. For example : “I understand what you mean, but here’s the real way to look at it…” ;
• Disparaging tone: Their response may include irritation or subtle contempt, signaling that they reject the very essence of what was expressed.

This inability to listen deeply harms relationships, whether personal or professional. Spouses and colleagues often feel devalued, misunderstood and rejected, leading to repeated conflicts and a gradual deterioration of bonds.

If you’re dealing with a narcissist in your personal or professional life, here are strategies for managing their behavior without getting overwhelmed.

1. Don’t take things personally

Their inability to listen says more about their personality than your worth or what you say. Take an emotional step back and consider their behavior as a “handicap” in their relational capacity. This helps reduce the emotional impact of their rejection.

Example: If a narcissist minimizes your opinion, see it as a limitation on their part rather than a criticism of you.

2. Repeat what you said

Narcissists can be quick to reject ideas that don’t fit their vision. An effective method to get around this is to repeat your words tactfully, first validating their perspective before reiterating your point of view.

Example: You: “The walls in this room have an unusual green tint.” Narcissist: “No, they’re yellow.” You: “Yes, it’s true that they are yellowish, but they also have a touch of green, a bit like a lime.”

By taking this approach, you avoid direct conflict while still maintaining your message.

3. Establish clear boundaries

If “dismissive” listening persists and affects your interactions, set clear boundaries. Make it known that your ideas and opinions deserve to be heard and respected.

Slide: Narcissistic pervert: 10 signs that should alert you