Published on
Updated
Reading 2 min.
in collaboration with
Johanna Rozenblum (clinical psychologist)
And
Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)
When a story ends, sometimes our parents want to continue the connection with their former son-in-law or daughter-in-law. A situation that is not always comfortable when you want to move forward. How to react ? Our psychologists answer.
You broke up with your partner, but obviously your parents have not decided to follow suit. Overtly or hiddenly, some persist in keeping in touch with the person who shared family life for a time and whom they appreciated. Should we try to put an end to it or let it slide?
A delicate situation which can be understood in a case
This story of a bond maintained between ex-in-laws and an ex is delicate, but above all depends on the context. In the case of a family where the parents have broken up, the presence of grandparents can be understood to maintain a framework:
“If there are children in common and the parents maintain a relationship with the ex for the well-being of their grandchildren, it is even rather healthy” reveals Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist to whom Doctissimo asked the question. “On the other hand, if nothing binds the ex partners anymore, there is reason to ask questions!”
A framework that must come back to you
For Johanna Rozenblum, also a psychologist, apart from the case of a couple with children, the fact of persisting in seeing your ex-son-in-law or daughter-in-law should only depend on you and your well-being, which is sometimes necessary to remind you. his own parents:
“There is a framework to set. Parents do not have to be in contact with your ex if you do not want them to be. Even if they have been close for several years, your parents must respect the distance you need to move on. They are not friends with your ex, they were because he (or she) was with you. If the couple no longer exists, there is nothing to justify being in contact. .
A tune-up can be organized:
- Plan an open discussion with your parents;
- Express calmly and clearly why their relationship with your ex affects you. “It’s crucial that they understand your perspective without feeling attacked.” recalls Amélie Boukhobza.
- Listen to their point of view and any arguments they might have in return, but set clear boundaries if it doesn’t suit or make you comfortable. “For example, you could ask not to be informed of the details of their meetings.
Ultimately if you need to cut, don’t feel forced to accept this situation. They’ll get over it faster than you think.
Slide: Breakup: 10 things not to do