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Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical Psychologist)
Are you sure you can read your partner’s mind? While we all feel like we know our significant other inside out, the reality is often more complex.
The documentary series “My husband, a murderer” broadcast on Arte explores the story of a woman who discovers, in a brutal way, that her partner is a murderer. So, do we really always know our other half perfectly? Amélie Boukhobza, psychologist, answers our questions.
A man with two faces
In this German TV movie, Minette and Paul are married and seem to lead a happy family life. But Paul falls under Nora’s spell. Following a violent altercation between the two lovers, Nora’s body is found. Has Paul committed the unthinkable? At least that’s what Minette believes, who discovers her husband in a new light.
“I have been living with a man I don’t know for 16 years.“, laments the actress.
Lie or truth? Can you really live under the same roof as someone without knowing them perfectly? For psychologist Amélie Boukhobza, the image a person projects can sometimes be different from their true personality. So, even if you think you know someone, over time, their true character traits end up being revealed.
“Secrets and unspoken things can exist in any relationship.”
Like Paul in the series, who gradually reveals his darker side as the scenes go by, some people have mastered the art of dissimulation.
“It is natural for some people to keep aspects of their private lives to themselves. Secrets and unspoken things can exist in any relationship, even the most intimate, without harming the cohabitation if there is trust and mutual respect.“, assures the expert.
So, we often tend to believe that we know our partner perfectly.
“Because we share intimacy, projects, dreams, and we know… or at least we think we know. But the reality is often more complex. Human beings are capable of hiding essential aspects of their personality, even to the point of sometimes lying to themselves,” explains the psychologist.
Denial is also “A defense mechanism current, which is very frequently found at work in couples“.
Putting blinders on then appears to be the right solution, when we no longer want to see what is becoming too painful.
“Out of love or fear of reality, we sometimes unconsciously prefer to ignore alarming signs. Especially since individuals with criminal behavior often develop sophisticated skills to conceal their actions and deceive those around them.“, reveals Amélie Boukhobza.
So, there are some signs, although subtle, that may indicate a double life.
“Inconsistent behavior, unexplained secrets, hidden things or recurring absences… And don’t be fooled by the potential for romance on the mysterious side. With a little vigilance and good communication, we should be able to detect these anomalies. Asking questions, sharing our doubts and observing reactions should help us better understand the other person,” the psychologist reminds us.
Finally, remember that transparency is the key to a “healthy relationshipbalanced and confident“.