On Christmas Day or for a birthday, some parents tend to dread their child’s reaction when he unwraps the presents he has been given. Will he like them or be disappointed? Will he throw a fit in front of loved ones? If so, how should this moment be managed, which is sometimes very embarrassing for the parent? Insight from Catherine Verdier, psychotherapist specializing in children and adolescents.
As a parent, you have certainly had to experience this embarrassing scene: your child opens the gifts he received at Christmas or for his birthday and there is the tragedy, he does not like them. His disappointment can be read on his face and in just a few seconds he starts crying or worse, throwing a fit in front of everyone. Without any restraint, he openly demonstrates that he hates these gifts, which are certainly not on his famous list. We can then imagine the embarrassment of parents who, ashamed, generally try to put on a good face by scolding their child forcing him to say thank you. But is this the wisest attitude to have at this time? Psychotherapist Catherine Verdier, specialist in children and adolescents, answers us.
Why does a child not like the gifts that are offered to him?
Both children and adults have the right not to like the gifts they receive. It’s their emotions that speak, and among the youngest they most often verbalize them at the time. “Until a certain age, 6-7 years old, children are not able to manage their disappointment, frustration, sadness or anger. The maturation of the brain has not come to an end in relation to the emotions. For them it is then impossible to contain themselves, they have no control, they cannot do otherwise and by force of circumstance, they show their reactions very quickly. explains the expert. According to a study carried out by OnePoll for the games and toys brand Hasbro, and relayed by The Mirror, 41% of children have already felt frustrated when opening their giftseven though the present was on their list.
It is useless to lecture the child on the spot, if not to rob him even more
When a young child is disappointed with the gifts he has received, he most often expresses his emotions by crying or having a temper tantrum. Even if there are people in front of him, he does not hesitate. In times like these, as a parent it is important to stay as calm as possible.even if it seems difficult given the circumstances. “You stay calm yourself and try to contain the child’s anger. It all depends on how you usually handle the child’s anger, but it’s best to confront him after the scene. Ask him why he reacted like this, talking calmly with him about what happened. There is also certainly the notion of politeness that he must integrate. The adult should not be ashamed either, even if it happens under the eyes of the family or loved ones”, details psychotherapist Catherine Verdier.
How can you teach a child to manage his disappointment?
Teaching a child to manage his disappointment is done over the long term, and that is part of education. As a parent, you can lead by example and calmly explain to him that he can’t have it all and that inevitably one day he will be disappointed, which is a normal feeling. In these situations, help him put his feelings into words, also encourage him to calm down by teaching him to slow his breathing little by little. You can also use books to help him better understand what happens in these situations of disappointment. “When you calmly explain things to children, they understand and integrate as they experience things.”
It is possible to avoid this kind of crisis, in the middle of a family reunion or between friends, by having an upstream discussion with your child. “When they are older, we can prepare them by explaining to them that perhaps they will not receive what they expected. Santa Claus can also give surprises. And in any case it does not matter , because there are solutions that exist”, advises the specialist. If possible, you can go to the store to exchange the gift that he received and that he does not appreciate. You can also, once the child is calm, come back with the famous gift to him and show him that the toy in question can ultimately be interesting or fun.
Children must be taught to be content with what they have and that they cannot have everything, all the time and right away.
Why do children always want more gifts?
It’s also well known that children always want more gifts and say “but I only have that?” Where “Where are my other gifts?”. When they are young, the quantity or size of the gift is sometimes even more important than the content itself. “For them it’s the notion of quantity that comes into play. Children prefer to have several large gifts rather than just one, very small. This is also called in mathematics the conservation of quantities. emphasizes Catherine Verdier. The child does not yet understand that a quantity remains the same even if it changes appearance. A big truck is just as interesting as a small car, the quantity of the object is not of interest. In this case, there is also frustration at play. “We are in a society in which we want the well-being of the child, and his well-being depends on the satisfaction of his immediate needs. However, this is not a good educational strategy, in the sense that when ‘He doesn’t have what he wants in the moment, he can get aggressive.” According to the specialist, children must be taught to be content with what they have and that they cannot have everything, all the time and immediately.
Thanks to Catherine Verdier for answering our questions.