– I was afraid I was screaming in an empty forest, and no one could hear me. That’s what it was like for years.
Miia Sillman, 26, life was overshadowed for a long time by a burden he first spoke about in public in November. At the time, the sevensman said To the sports magazine (go to another service) as a child victim of sexual exploitation.
Sillman was one of the involved well-known coaches Erkki-Pekka from Mäkki proceedings. Last summer, Mäkinen was sentenced to 4.5 years in absolute prison for sexual offenses against children.
With the trial and sentencing, Sillman finally felt that he and the other victims were believed. That and a desire to help others who experienced the same led Sillman to report on the events of his childhood in the media.
Now, six months later, he says openness has changed his life.
– It feels like a shockingly big monkey fell off his back. It was much easier to breathe when you didn’t have to live alone with that thing, Sillman tells Sport.
– There’s nothing to hide anymore.
After the story was published, acquaintances and strangers praised Sillman for his courage to talk about an important but silent topic. The athlete describes 99 percent of the feedback he receives as uplifting.
– When I found out what kind of support I got, I knew right away that I could have talked about this before. There has been no need to fear being lynched.
According to Sillman, she has received a lot of contact from people who have experienced the same thing – both women and men. For many, the athlete has been the first person they have been able to tell what happened.
– I may have had a link to these people so that they could talk about it with someone close to them. It has been relieving.
The messages also tell us about the mood of fear and shame among victims of sexual crimes. That atmosphere has been broken by Sillman, and at the same time he has seen society evolve in small steps for the better.
– Several people who wrote to me said that their own experiences were from the 80’s or 90’s. Of course, nothing can be done about those things anymore. They carry with them for the rest of their lives the events and the fact that they have not been given justice. The times were different then. Fortunately, today, such things are taken really seriously.
When Sillman told his own story, he was approached by people who wanted to learn and understand.
– I have had really good conversations with people who may not be so aware of such things. It’s been great that I’ve been able to make things easier to talk about.
The reign of adversity
Sillman’s last season was ruined as the nightmares of the past came back to life in the summer trial. The athlete who struggled with his coping had to realize that a long-standing dream, the Tokyo Olympics, was an impossible mountain to climb. The Olympic dream moved to Paris in 2024.
Sillman says he is grateful to the people who were by his side during the difficult times of the summer. The biggest support was the fiancé Konsta Koskelafamily members as well as a training buddy and a good friend Maria Huntington.
– I also went through the Academy to a sports psychologist to unravel my thoughts. When I went there, he thought we would go through sports. I got to say that now there would be such a thing coming. We investigated the matter throughout the fall and spring and prepared for the trial. Every single person next to me has played a significant role.
For the upcoming season, Sillman’s main goal is the Munich European Championships in August. The World Championships in July at the US Athletics Mecca in Eugene will be too early for the reigning Finnish champion.
Sillman had to skip the winter hall races due to back problems. Stress osteopathy, a precursor to a fracture and a slight bulge, was observed on the back of the competitor in December.
– Then I watched the races at home, where I had to be myself. I found motivation and strength in them for the summer. Now it is starting to feel like this has been won. I know where my back can get irritated and I can take that into account when training.
In years ago, an ambitious person could have taken adversity harder, but after all he has experienced, Sillman has learned to be more self-indulgent.
– Playing sports must be firm, but childlike joy must be maintained. I’ve tried to hold on to it, even if it’s harder. Even the coach (Mika Vakkuri) emphasizes that it must not be taken too seriously. It’s a good reminder to myself that this is just a sport, even though it’s a big part of our lives.
To his delight, Sillman has found himself receiving mercy from others as well.
– When I was able to tell my story, it made people around me realize that it’s not worth staring too blindly at what’s going on in the field. We never know what’s going on in anyone’s life.
– We must treat everyone as we would like to be treated. I myself sometimes have something to do with it, but I try to remember that basic manners and kindness cost nothing.
In addition to her sports career, Sillman is studying to become a midwife. There are remaining internships from his studies that he plans to complete with these prospects next fall.
Like many healthcare workers, Sillmania has been weighed down by concerns about the future of the industry. He wrote on Twitter last month that trampling on caregivers ’rights extinguishes his internal flame at work.
– It has been worrying to see that the rights of carers are being taken away little by little. I watched the conversation around the vaccine compulsion as quite a few caregivers left the industry. Personally, I am in principle in favor of everyone having the right to decide on their own body, Sillman says.
– The social and health sector has been in a negative light in the news. I’m a little scared, which no longer attracts new people to the industry.
Sillman emphasizes that she is studying to be a midwife with great motivation, although she has highlighted the pain points in the industry.
– After my tweet, a few people wrote that if you now regret studying, you should change fields. I emphasize that this was not my personal matter, but one that affected many others.
There has been a lot of talk about the workload of health care workers in the years overshadowed by the corona pandemic, but Sillman says the situation has been unsustainable for a long time.
– It has been said that there are ingredients in the disaster and patient safety has been compromised. I have talked to caregivers who have been in the industry for years. The signs have been in the air long before this, but now they have once again been awakened.
Sillman would like policymakers to show appreciation for the industry by investing in, among other things, improving patient safety and ensuring an adequate number of caregivers. Thus, the future prospects would be brighter when the Seventh-grader graduates in due course to his dream profession.
For Sillman, who enjoys being with people, it’s clear why a midwife’s job feels right.
– In sports, you can show your potential and get adrenaline spikes. This is an area where I get similar feelings. I get to witness the birth of a new life and help families. It’s a crazy moment.