Mathilda Lindholm, 26, became ill with an eating disorder when she was taken over by a competitive urge – one conversation saved her from an even worse fate

Did you do five repetitions, or five of the best possible repetitions?

A wide sincere smile and a cautious answer: “five repetitions…”. And the workout continues.

Ylen Sportliv has been able to watch badminton Mathilda Lindholmin a gymnastics exercise led by a physics coach Joonas Järvinen. The coach demands a lot, and is not afraid to say when some replay, movement or series is not good enough.

However, both are smiling all the time.

It has been five years since Lindholm first contacted Järvinen. The goal was to become an even better badminton player. That’s what he is now. At the time of contact, however, Lindholm was at a rapid pace on the way to the bottom, without seeing it himself.

– I thought the situation was under control. And in the beginning, I managed things well. It quickly turned upside down, and I didn’t control eating but eating me, says the multiple Finnish champion.

Soon badminton courts were allowed to stay, and the dream of returning for a long time was just a dream he never thought would come true again.

Joonas Järvinen saw despair in the eyes of his coach.

– Seeing that struggle from the side, kind of from a distance, but just as close, made me worried, Järvinen describes.

This is a story about how one debate can be significant, and how it saved one of Finland’s best badminton players from an even worse fate.

See Mathilda Lindholm’s account of her struggle with an eating disorder in the Sportliv episode below. The story continues after the video immersion.

We go back more than six years.

Around the corner looms a large frontier laundry for 20-year-old Mathilda Lindholm. The junior European champion in mixed doubles a few years ago is realizing his next dream. She is in Jakarta making her World Cup debut as a couple Jenny Nyström.

At the race site, however, Lindholm falls ill. The fever rises and he spends the next day in the hospital instead of playing fields.

The World Cup dream turns into a huge disappointment. Lindholm also knows that a pre-agreed foot surgery and a long period of rehabilitation will follow at home.

– I couldn’t play, and I couldn’t train. I had just finished school after graduating. I just lay down at home with nothing to do. That’s when I started competing with eating, Mathilda Lindholm now recalls the events of 2015.

Competing with eating gave the feeling that Lindholm could control even something in his daily life.

– It was never a matter of me thinking that I should change my appearance. I didn’t care. But I’ve always been very competitive and competitive in everything. I love winning.

Lindholm set goals and requirements for himself. When he succeeded, the goals became harder and harder over time. In other words: he ate less and less.

If the goals were not achieved for one reason or another, severe anxiety ensued. In the past, the perky, outgoing and social badminton player became more and more distant. He retreated to his own circumstances.

– I could get upset about anything. I was angry and tired. I was no longer myself at all. I closed myself and just sat at home. I was small and fragile both mentally and physically. And I didn’t notice it myself.

Now he sees signs that the subject is no longer as big a taboo. At least compared to what the situation looked like when he got sick.

– It’s really hard and I understand it. It was not acceptable to take a stand on the weight of others, although perhaps that is exactly what was needed. At least I would have needed someone to ask me how I could. Because I myself could not or did not want to admit that I was sick.

He says he understands that the subject is not easy for anyone and that the issue is difficult to raise. At the same time, he needed outside help because he himself was not aware of the problem.

Fortunately for Lindholm, he had one person who was aware of the situation and eventually also dared to seize it.

In the same year that Mathilda Lindholm’s eating behavior changed, she also contacted physics coach Joonas Järvinen for the first time.

Lindholm was interested in how he could improve his performance through training, as well as how he should eat to develop as an athlete. The main reason for contact was the food side to improve both results and recovery.

He emailed Järvinen and after a few messages they met. The cooperation began.

Lindholm shared information with his coach about his routines and injury history, which he had accumulated despite his young age. After a while, he also started sharing his food diary with Järvinen.

– In hindsight, I could say that I saw worrying signs right away. In reality, however, it didn’t go quite that way, Järvinen says.

Over time, Järvinen noticed certain recurring patterns, patterns of behavior that were difficult to change. He began to wonder if he should be worried, and eventually he decided to take up the matter.

Järvinen had met Lindholm’s parents but did not know them properly. Järvis felt like he couldn’t help Mathilda alone. He told Mathilda he would like to talk to his parents.

– I thought for a while how I would talk about it and went through what I had heard and seen. I wondered if I could really stand behind my words, and I came to the conclusion that I could. I just shared my own observations, Järvinen says.

The conversation with the parents was a turning point. It also opened Mathilda’s eyes. He began to realize that food had taken over from him – and not the other way around.

Lindholm contacted a psychiatrist and also got into an eating disorder clinic. Only then could she really admit to herself that she was ill.

– It wasn’t until after the heart film and blood tests that I first started thinking about what I was doing right. The doctors said my body is so fragile and I feel so bad that I may never play sports again. I thought I could no longer control this at all.

Lindholm describes Järvinen’s actions as bold. He notes that the situation could have ended even worse if the coach had not noticed he needed help.

– I don’t even want to think about what could have happened. My heart was already in bad shape, and my rib, for example, once broke just like playing badminton.

The battle against the eating disorder was long, and in part still continues. Especially mentally, the process was very cumbersome. Lindholm remembers best all the days he just thought the situation would never get better.

Gradually, however, the situation progressed, and soon he was able to go out to eat with his friends.

– At that point, I realized how bad I could be. I really wanted to get better. It requires it: that it understands and wants to. If there is no desire, healing is almost impossible.

Although Lindholm is well at the moment, he realizes that an eating disorder is always present in his life. It was shown by a milder outing just over a year ago at the latest. She started the therapy again and has not stopped.

– I have to be aware all the time that if there are changes in my daily life, or if things happen that make me sad, then this is the way I react. That I will stop eating.

In 2019, Mathilda Lindholm made an official return to the fields. Recalling that time now, he admits that he still had a long way to go at that point.

– I remember it felt like the weight had fallen from my shoulders. I wanted to show myself and others that I was back.

In 2020, she won her first post-return Championship gold with her partner Jenny Nyström. A year later, they renewed their championship.

Last autumn, Lindholm and Nyström got to compete against the world’s tops when the Badminton World Championships were held at home in Vantaa.

– We’ve never played so well, the doubles team describes the tournament.

Jenny Nyström has been a close friend of Lindholm since the couple started playing together at the age of about 6-7. When Lindholm was injured, Nyström played with another pair, and at first did not notice the friend was ill.

– It has annoyed me a lot afterwards that I have not been able to help and support from the beginning, Nyström says.

– He has grown so incredibly much stronger. It’s awesome that he’s in therapy and has gotten help, and that he’s back on the playing field again!

Joonas Järvinen has heard many times that his actions were bold.

However, he emphasizes that the help and will of many people was needed for salvation – especially Lindholm himself.

– Everyone around has helped and supported him so he can heal. I’ve been called brave – and I don’t deny that my contribution meant anything – but Mathilda herself did it.

When Sportliv asks Mathilda Lindholm to describe the importance of badminton to herself when she is younger and now, she laughs.

– When I was young, badminton was everything, it was my identity. And it contributes to it even more, but today I have other goals and passions as well.

He has started coaching and is studying business administration at a polytechnic. He likes to continue with badminton, but doesn’t think it will become his full-time job in the future.

Although the investment in the player’s career is no longer one hundred percent, he emphasizes how important a return to the fields was.

– However, badminton is part of my identity and the community where I feel at home.