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fullscreen Previously, Marie had never ended up with the Bailiff. Photo: Vilhelm Stokstad/TT
The relationship was never very good.
But Marie had not thought that it would get even worse when she left it.
Because then the economic violence began.
– I will die with large debts, says Marie.
Violence comes in many guises.
The form that is easiest to define is the physical, that which leaves bruises and obvious injuries.
But violence can also be financial, causing debts that not even a lifetime is enough to pay off.
In the past year, Marie has had to learn everything about that type of violence, a kind of violence that she had not even heard of before and that, according to experts, there is far too little knowledge about in Sweden.
– I am a mother and I have grandchildren. I have never had anything to do with the Kronofogden before. I have never bought anything on installments in my entire life. It is hugely embarrassing to now suddenly have large debts, says Marie.
“I crashed”
She is an ordinary middle-aged woman who lives in an ordinary Swedish city with an ordinary job. Right now, however, she is on sick leave due to stress. The fight against her ex-partner has drained her of all strength.
– I’ve been staying at friends’ houses since I left him, it’s been over a year. I’ve taken extra shifts at work to make some extra money. In the end it didn’t work anymore, I crashed.
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fullscreenMarie has nightmares about her ex-partner. Genre picture. Photo: Staffan Löwstedt/Svd/TT
FACTS Economic violence:
• Economic violence is about gaining power and control over another person through financial means. In a close relationship, this can be expressed in the fact that one party has control over both of their finances, that one party is not allowed to have their own bank account or their own bank card.
• Other ways are to put the victim of violence in debt, through loans or unpaid invoices, to delay property division in the event of a separation so that the victimized party does not have access to his capital.
• Economic violence can mean that the person subjected to violence completely lacks the financial means to leave the relationship. A very vulnerable group is the elderly women, who because of the pension system live as poor pensioners and cannot survive on their own pension.
(Source: women’s shelter Lund)
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Marie met her ex-partner about ten years ago through mutual friends.
He was charming. Marie says he can talk almost anyone down.
But when they were alone at home in the house they soon bought together, his mood could completely change, says Marie.
– He was a bit like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. It could be some shitty thing that triggered it. That his cigarettes were out or that I set the table with the wrong cutlery. Then he could scream and hit walls, says Marie.
“Never ends”
Often the outbursts occurred in connection with the ex drinking alcohol, something Marie began to notice that he was consuming more and more.
On some occasions the violence was directed at Marie, she says.
– If I could sum it all up, he has bruised me, he has been verbally mean and he has scared me. But this aftermath is even worse because it never ends.
During the arguments at home, the ex could often exclaim: “But then move if it doesn’t fit.”
In 2022, Marie did just that.
She packed a bag with the essentials and set off, home to a friend’s couch.
Temporary, she thought then. She assumed that after the separation, she and her ex would sell the house they owned half of so that she could buy a new home, but that has not yet happened.
– I think he initially thought I would come back home. But when he realized that I had actually left him for real, a new type of violence and control began, says Marie.
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full screen “It’s like he’s holding my household hostage,” says Marie. Genre picture. Photo: Fredrik Sandberg/TT
“Afraid of him”
The twists and turns that followed the separation are many and have involved expensive lawyers and repeated contacts with the authorities. According to Marie, the ex has sabotaged all attempts to sell the house, something a broker also testified about.
Marie also says that he makes it difficult for her to retrieve her furniture and heirlooms that are still left in the home to which she no longer has working keys.
– It’s like he’s holding my household hostage. He has thrown some of my things into garbage bags and put them on display in the grounds, but I haven’t received my furniture, says Marie.
The situation is so infected that they cannot communicate with each other at all.
– Yes, I am afraid of him because he has shown that he is capable of hurting me.
Marie says she feels very powerless. The times she reported the ex to the police, the reports were dropped. She has sought help from the authorities but feels that there is nothing they can do.
– I don’t know why he does this. It feels like he wants to jump off a cliff and drag me down with him, just to mess with me. To show that you don’t leave him unpunished, says Marie.
“A life of debt”
In addition to crashing Marie’s personal finances, what happened has also changed her as a person. She says she is more suspicious today. At night, her ex-partner appears in her nightmares.
– I try to keep a happy face on the outside, but actually I’m very sad. This has left deep traces.
Recently, the City Mission released a report that hidden homelessness is increasing in Sweden. One of the categories is single women with children who have left a destructive relationship. Who have a job but no long-term residence.
Marie recognizes herself in it, that is how she has lived since 2022.
– I don’t know where or when this will end. With a life full of debt, that much I know anyway.
Footnote: Marie is actually called something else.
FACT Woman: Here you can get help and support
Are you or someone close to you exposed to violence in a close relationship? Here is a selection of places you can turn to for help and support.
Important: Always call 112 in case of emergency. You can also reach the social service or the social emergency service in your municipality via the emergency number.
A national helpline for those who have been exposed to physical, psychological and sexual violence, regardless of gender. Relatives and friends are also welcome to call.
Offers temporary sheltered housing for people who have been victims of intimate partner violence and honour-related violence. Accepts women, men, their children and accompanying animals with placement via social services.
The national organization for women’s shelters and girls’ shelters in Sweden collects shelters throughout Sweden, some of which offer sheltered accommodation. Find an on-call nearest you via Rok’s website. Click on “find the right support”.
Collects over 130 women’s shelters, girls’ shelters and other support activities. On the website there are contact details for emergency services throughout Sweden, some of which offer sheltered accommodation. Click on “find on duty”.
Network for women’s rights against men’s violence. Emergency phone: 020-52 10 10. Advice in 70 different languages, including legal advice.
Provides support to criminal suspects, witnesses and relatives.
A women’s shelter for abused women with experiences of abuse and prostitution.
Support for LGBTQI people who have been exposed to abuse, threats and violence. RFSL support reception also runs a sheltered accommodation in the Stockholm area.
If you want to talk to someone who works at social services, you can call the switchboard in your municipality and ask to be connected to social services.
All children can get help via Bris, Children’s rights in society.
Can help with emergency call and crisis support: Call 112 and ask to be connected to the priest on duty.
A support platform for young people (15–20 year olds) who are exposed to violence in their partner relationships, offers chat every evening at 8–10 pm.
Choose to stop is a national telephone line for those who want help to change controlling or violent behaviour. The telephone line is run by the Stockholm County Administrative Board in collaboration with Manscentrum Stockholm and in collaboration with Sweden’s county administrative boards.
Read moreFACT Man: You can get help here.
Source: Aftonbladet, 1177
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