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in collaboration with
Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)
When political beliefs differ, core values and life goals differ. How in this context can we “love others”, despite these differences? We asked Amélie Boukhobza, psychologist, the question.
Do love and politics go well together? Not really. According to modern war theorist Clausewitz, politics and war are one – only the means diverge. Politics serves to “instrumentalize” others, in order to gain power, while love is totally disinterested (we forget our own needs). Love and politics are therefore opposed. But can they coexist? Answer.
Love and politics: a crucial subject from the first meeting
According to a study carried out by the dating site Bumble, the majority of French people (52%) do not exclude a conversation around politics during the first date. And for good reason: this is a crucial subject for 36% of French people who assure that they could not imagine themselves in a relationship with a person with opposing political ideas.
“As a feminist and racialized woman, I don’t see myself sharing an intimate moment with someone on the right“, says Soraya, 27 years old.
Same observation for Lisa, 30 years old: “I’ve already had unpleasant surprises. Guys who had everything to please me and with whom I matched on many points and who on the day of the meeting made problematic comments”.
From now on, the young woman is very attentive to the profiles of candidates, particularly on dating applications.
But she is not the only one. For several years, millennials seem particularly concerned about each other’s political opinions.
9% want to know the political opinions of their “date” before the meeting and 42% think that it is important to talk about “upsetting topics” in the first weeks of a relationship.
Nearly 12% of participants even admit to having already broken up with an individual because of divergent ideas on these subjects.
Couples put to the test
While the algorithms of dating sites make it possible to create couples with similar political opinions, the question arises of the longevity of the couple – if any. Because beyond “different” political opinions, it is a whole philosophy of life and thoughts that diverges.
Faced with this thorny question (in other words knowing whether we can love someone whose political convictions are very far from ours), our psychology expert Amélie Boukhobza is not very optimistic.
“I would respond spontaneously that it is not possible. A couple is, above all, shared fundamental values and compatible respective life perspectives and expectations. However, political convictions encompass a whole world of values. What vision of the family? What value is placed on work? What are the opinions on foreign policy, welcoming others, heritage, redistribution of wealth? So many questions whose answers form a very distinct universe of thought from one side to the other“, confides the specialist.
“Of course, we can always try to put a veil over all of this, advocate mutual respect, open and caring communication without judgment of others, accept differences, find common ground, or decide to never address political topics (often annoying). But the reality is that, within the framework of the couple, disagreements will necessarily emerge at one time or another, through an argument or a discord“, she concludes.
Slide: 8 questions to ask your partner (and yourself) for a lasting relationship