Lost her love to cancer – now she’s expecting his child

Charlotte and Sam Eiler had longed to become parents when he was suddenly stricken with cancer. In After Five, Charlotte talks about the loss, and the decision to get pregnant with Sam’s child – without him.

The couple met at a housewarming party in Gothenburg in 2015.

– He is one in a billion, an absolutely incredible man who took everyone by storm. When he walked into a room, you had no choice but to love him.

When he received his cancer diagnosis in 2020, they moved to Coffs Harbour, Australia, where he was born, so that Sam could be close to family.

– For us, it was not in our world that he would not survive. We constantly told each other that: “We can do everything together”.

Therefore, they froze the sperm

They froze the sperm to protect them from the tough cancer treatments. The idea was to save them while waiting for Sam to recover. Talking about future children was a way to keep hope up during cancer treatment.

– Children were the next step for us. We chose names and talked about how to raise them, she says.

In April 2022, he died, but left behind his frozen sperm. For Charlotte, it felt obvious to then go through an IVF process, to be able to fulfill their dream of having children – alone.

– If you know me and Sam, you understand how strong that longing was for both of us. There has been incredible support from family and friends.

Then the baby comes

But emotionally it has been a tough pregnancy without Sam.

– It is a void that cannot be described, it has been a challenge for me.

In January, the baby will arrive and Charlotte says that she has enormous support around her. Now there are only three weeks left.

– I feel safe and calm. There are hundreds of people around me who are dying to support me and already love this child. It feels very nice.

Now Charlotte wants to do everything to create the life that would have been.

– I feel that I now live for both of us, we lived an adventurous life and I would like to introduce a similar life to our child, she says and later adds:

– I would like it to be a sibling, I have the opportunity.

Banned in Sweden

In Australia, Charlotte has had the opportunity to have children without Sam in her life. But in Sweden you are not allowed to use sperm from a deceased person. But this may change.

– However, there were guidelines from the National Board of Health and Welfare last year which said that you can use fertilized eggs from deceased people. So it may indicate that if you have started the process, you may be allowed to use fertilized eggs. But you must not start a new process, says Lars Sandman, professor of healthcare ethics, Linköping University, to Efter fem.