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Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)
In Hérault, near Béziers, two 66-year-old twins and their 90-year-old father were found in an alarming state of health, under the influence of their mother. How is such influence possible? Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist, reveals some answers.
In Maraussan, in Hérault, residents are in shock. Two twins “cadaveric“66 years old and a husband”weakened” were found in a village house, under the control of an authoritarian 88-year-old mother. A chilling news item, which raises questions.
The family had lived in self-sufficiency for several years
It was only after receiving a phone call from the mother, this Wednesday, September 25 – mentioning in particular harassment from a neighbor – that the mayor of the city, Marlène Puche, decided to act .
“I had to sort things out. I had to know what was true or what was fantasy. So I sent the municipal police,” entrusts the chosen one, to our colleagues at Free Midday.
On site, the municipal police officers and the social worker, called to assess the situation, discovered the unthinkable.
A 90-year-old man (the father of the family), injured in the head and very thin, is lying on a deck chair. Two 66-year-old “children”, mute and emaciated, were also found in their room.
The two sisters, similar to “corpses living”, according to a witness, were seated “one against the other in the fetal position”.
“You see the images of Buchenwald [un camp de concentration nazi en Allemagne, NDLR] ? Well it’s the twins“, describes a rescuer to Midi Libre.
In fact, no member of the family had consulted a doctor for fifty years.
A “very authoritarian” mother
Still according to our colleagues, the family seemed to live in the house in total self-sufficiency, under the exclusive authority of this mother, described as “very authoritarian”.
The twins, forcibly repatriated to this house from hell, had abandoned everything, including their respective careers – one was a pharmacist, the other a teacher – to submit to their mother’s demands. Today, both are incapable of supporting themselves, believes the mayor of the town.
“It was the mother who did everything in this house. […] They worked, but I don’t know what resources they have.”
Although it is difficult to imagine how two adults, at 66 years old, can find themselves in such a state of extreme dependence, this “is nothing other than the result of the insidious power of psychological control“, says Amélie Boukhobza.
“When an authoritarian figure, here a mother (who has not always been 88 years old…), exercises total control over other members of the family for years, or even forever, the victims can come to lose everything external reference It is a real relationship of domination which is gradually established, anchored in fear, guilt and isolation. This functioning, totally paranoid, imagines a “nasty” and “dangerous” external world, leading them to. live in self-sufficiency”, reveals the expert.
In this situation, it is “a family pathology”, she further analyzes.
“It’s an entire family that lives completely cut off from the world. Sometimes, the parent-child relationship becomes rigid in a dynamic of emotional dependence where the mother imposes her wishes as an absolute. But at this point! The twins, vulnerable because they were weakened by an education marked by extreme and irrational control, by a “crazy” education one could say, have lost all autonomy, therefore all capacity to set limits or assert themselves. This influence has locked them in a suffocating bubble, cutting them off from the world and any potential help. The lack of external intervention can be explained by the invisibility of the phenomenon: psychological control does not leave visible traces, but its damage is very real. warns the practitioner.
Good in his body, good in his head!
According to our expert psychologist, the only potential outcome is the end of isolation.
“In other words, if we recognize ourselves in this influence, or if we perceive someone else in such a spiral, we obviously have to talk about it. she explains.
But who to turn to?
“Professionals such as social services (you must then make a report), psychologists or even associations specializing in protection against mistreatmentcan help restore perspective and reestablish links with the outside world“, says the specialist.
The first step, of course, is to recognize this influence… and to recognize that it is not inevitable.
“There are possible paths to liberation if you are well supported“, confides the expert, before recognizing that late treatment – at an advanced age – nevertheless remains “more complex“.
Slide: The 10 signs of emotional control