Sweet yawns
Beautiful ravages
Record-breaking turns
Faithful throngs
Fairy-tale Sami
Dear great Swedes and new Swedes and old Swedes and non-Swedes waiting, in transit or visiting.
In short – dear fellow human beings!
How I have longed for you! After this evening.
I have worn my mantle like a shimmering wrapping paper around my heart for a year and now finally I get to stand here with you, wrapped in the sky, mountains and forests as an embrace and with a light weight on my shoulders as a reminder of my mission.
I have longed for you who traveled a long way and you who walked here from Frösön or Körfältet. After those of you who have your home in the Republic and those of you who are here for a visit.
You who have lived here for generations and you who have just arrived here to create a new future for yourselves.
I stand here as president of a people who believe in the future. Who refuse to let filter bubbles shut out the world. In front of you – you who understand that being together is an attitude, not an address, not a zip code. It is a way of taking on the world and one’s surroundings.
I stand in front of you who will lead the way for Greater Sweden in times when the moral compass wavers. To be your president in a republic without borders, what a wonderfully powerful mission!
But at the same time, we stand together in a Sweden that has become very aware of its borders. In times when Europe is at war and our everyday life is affected. When the ground beneath us shakes and the tremors propagate right up to the chest, when the winds blow harder, we seal the moldings in our inner rooms. Fear keeps us stuck in the past and makes us worry about the future. People live backwards and worry about moving forward.
But not us. We know better than that!
For right now. Right here. Tonight. We stand side by side in thousands because we can.
Because we want to.
Because here in the Republic we know that we must live fully the short time we have on earth.
Here we know how to do it.
Jamtland Jamtland jam and stop!
What an incredible sight! How many of you there are, but still everyone seems to get a place. It may be because in this sea of flags and banners you stand who understand the difference between being a patriot and a nationalist. And for those of you who start googling surreptitiously, you can say in short that a patriot understands the importance of cooperating with others when necessary, but the nationalist does not.
And at the same time, no one closes out.
That’s not how we were raised and that’s not the legacy we pass on.
Tattoo it on your wrist and read it aloud every morning: We don’t shut anyone out!
Let Stand. Everyone is invited to our party, and this year Storsjöyran turns 40, or 60 depending on how you count.
But not only that: It is said that in Jämtland the year is divided into before and after Yran, which means that it is also New Year’s Eve tonight!
So for the sake of order, I just want to start by reporting parts of the past year, which felt a bit like a trip in Forsaleden. But the Republic has, as usual, had an unusually successful year. We have succeeded in doubling our GDP thanks to a strong expansion of the production of decorative interior details with hinged cross motifs. Now we’re expanding the range to also include underwear with criss-cross patterns, criss-cross-shaped airpods and, of course, criss-cross decorated with criss-cross, which inspired the trend of criss-cross tattoos as a cross-stitch embroidery over the entire chest. Not unlike the scarring that occurs from a bear attack.
I will of course also report on some of the promises I issued at my installation speech last summer. First of all: no, unfortunately I have not been able to lower the price levels of scooter mats. It went a little wrong, instead I happened to lower my own level of ambition, so I haven’t appointed a new government either. Well, that’s it now!
However, I have continued my work for human rights and am therefore in negotiations that the land that was supposed to be used to build a NATO base in Östersund should instead make way for a new opening of 53’s karaoke bar.
I have also seen to the abolition of the law on dance permits and, as you noticed, have finally opened the Strömsund Bridge. So now it is free to meet in a hambo across the Vattudalen!
How has it gone with the bus square?
Yes, I’m hardly the only leader who doesn’t keep everything I promise. In the national state of Sweden, one promise has replaced the other. A display of backbiting, election pork, empty words, hypocrisy, abuse of power and pure cowardice.
But how did it actually go?
Were there any cheaper sausages?
Well, that’s it now!
Was the price reduced at the pump?
Well, that’s it now!
How did it go with stopping the import of Russian gas?
Well, that’s it now!
We continue to support Putin and condemn the war at the same time.
And what happened to the promise to “get the climate in order”?
Nah, that’s where it’s at!
Decisions are made that INCREASE emissions instead.
After all, they have problems understanding how to build a society that is also good for future generations. Perhaps they should apply for an audience with our indigenous people who have something to teach on the matter.
And as if that wasn’t enough misery, now even the production of Mums Mums is to cease! It’s almost as upsetting as a man in a dress reading fairy tales to children. Of course! Speaking of men in dresses and fairy tales, England got a new king.
Wearing a velvet dress and glitter coat, it might have ruined a whole generation of TV viewers!
And speaking of king! The outside world and the Swedes continue to show great interest in the republic.
Our magnificent nature attracts tourists in droves. Among others, the royal couple who in April climbed the hiking trail between Lindex and Bastard Burgers here on Prästgatan.
They had to carb load properly after that ride.
Well.
After hard discussions with the Swedish government, I managed to negotiate that electricity subsidies should also be paid to northern Sweden. In return, I had to promise not to say anything in my speech that could disrupt Sweden’s NATO process.
So anyone who wants to know what I think about Erdoğan, this power-mad misogynist, cowardly despot and how absurd it is that we should negotiate with a dictator, simply has to think for himself. But that makes you want to puke. Straight out. But out of consideration for you here, I swallow. You can imagine the cascade too. For the right to think freely, we will never negotiate away! And by the way, freedom of speech is not negotiable either.
So I fulfilled that promise.
We will fight for the right to speak out until we die.
Because your president is never going to shut up!
Jamtland Jamtland jam and stop!
I further promise to do something about the air quality in central Östersund.
There is apparently a bit of this and that with it.
A commission is therefore being appointed with the task of investigating the possibility of using drones to move air from Funäsdalen and filter down over Rådhusgatan.
Speaking of lack of oxygen, there is talk of the introduction of a Swedish cultural canon. A state-sanctioned guideline for what culture is considered good enough for citizens to consume.
Who decides that?
It’s not without gasping for air when you see the proposals. A return to runic writing does not feel too far off. In any case, those stone tablets are not so easy to burn.
But here in the Republic we go a different way, here we consume culture according to the same principle as a moss tray: “extra everything, immediately”!
Here we are not afraid to mix broad with narrow, superficial with deep and new with old.
I am therefore proud to hereby open admissions for the Republic’s first annual drag race with parish vestments only. The jury consists of the Republic’s glitziest gang: Tacoparet, Ica-Kurt i Svenstavik and ÖFK’s former materials manager Bengt-Uno “Våfflan” Nilsson. Good luck!
By the way, speaking of drag and swimming against the current. Here in the Republic, we welcome eccentrics, oddballs and originals. With us, you are heroes!
Heroes are also the brave people who fight for a better future. In the nation state, Greta Thunberg was recently arrested for her struggle. But here in the Republic we have a special room intended for such people who persistently fight for their cause and refuse to give in. It is a red cabin up in a parking lot in Lillänge. So when you muck Greta, you are welcome here. We have made the bed.
And speaking of reckless property rights, I have of course been asked to resolve the conflict between the Freemasons and Östersund municipality. It was certainly something about a separate entrance to the town hall that was involved, but since women are not welcome in the Freemasons’ premises, it was a bit difficult to help the guys with that. However, I myself have made sure to get my own entrance to Verksmogrillen, where of course everyone, regardless of gender, is welcome! I invite.
Back to seriousness. A visit to the Freemasons can be spared, but there are much more important places where women are not welcome.
A few hours away there are whole communities where we have no access and where the fight for a life of freedom goes on around the clock.
I think of the brave schoolgirls in Iran who, with backpacks full of resistance, write slogans on the wall and risk being killed for their desire to live freely.
Incidentally, this applies to women all over the world.
And no – not here at home are women protected from violence.
Even here tonight, maybe half of you, out of old habit, will look over your shoulder on the way home.
And it is not even certain that home is the safest place.
Is that how we want it?!
No!
Well then, then we agree. Tattoo it too: NO! Preferably with cross stitch and joint cross.
So we raise our fists and say we can do better.
Because we can.
Jamtland Jamtland jam and stop!
Out in the big world, people talk about AI and chatbots that give simple answers to complicated questions, but here in the Republic, they turn to me directly instead. I therefore intend to answer some of the questions that have reached me lately:
Is it time to resign to invest in the dream of opening a padel hall? No!
Can you replace the diced pork in the charcoal bun with bacon? No!
Are cold baths the solution to all your problems? No!
Is it even particularly nice? No!
Are you still for real if you do have a merino wool underwear from Woolpower that cost SEK 1,845 but which you never hiked in but only used when you went down to ICA Traktören to buy dill chips? Yes! You are far from alone.
Finally: can anyone be together?
The answer to that question is simple: of course!
But not on any terms.
You must not oppress anyone else.
You must not harm or frighten.
If you, who are standing here, know that you may be crossing certain boundaries. You who think you have the right to decide over someone else’s life, you who invent or spread things about others that are not true, or you who just look away when you see something that rubs off, think that it is better not to put you in. You who know that you are simply not the best version of yourself right now.
I have a present for you: since it’s New Year’s Eve in the Republic, tonight you have the chance to make a promise to yourself.
Make yourself great again.
Or as we say: sharpening!
You can also tattoo that: sharpen yourself. To be together – it’s to give yourself and others a new chance.
It is to never lose hope and to stay the right course. And to know that if we get lost, there is always a crossroads that will take us home again.
So, here we are now together and for a brief moment time stands still. For a brief moment we breathe in rhythm. Like a nurturing drum beat, the heart beats for the Republic. Stretch yourselves. Stretch out. Reach further. Together we can get Åreskuta sailing.
Long live the people.
Long live hope, civil courage, courage and damn embrace.
Long live Jamtland!
Long live the Republic!