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Doing a little less to force your child to fend for themselves is what so-called “lazy” parenting offers. This welcome new educational method, and beneficial to all, could well appeal to you in more than one way.
If you are the type to often (always?) be behind your child, to make sure that he lacks nothing and to anticipate his slightest needs, approach. It’s probably time to slow down and become a little lazier parent… for your child’s sake. At least that’s what child psychologist Caitlin McLear tells us in the Huffpost. If you look closely, his point of view scores points.
Lazy, yes, but to let your child manage
What do we mean by lazy parenting? It’s not about being a resigned or neglectful parent, rest assured. But the lazy parent has made the opposite decision of the hyper-parent (or helicopter parent): that of adopting a withdrawn parenting, made of observation, more than of interventions and/or intrusion to learn to child to “do”.
We therefore let the child complete the tasks of his day himself (within reason). A behavior which aims to give them more confidence, autonomy… and which removes a certain pressure from the parent, which is not to displease either. The psychologist reveals several habits that you could adopt without feeling guilty. Because yes, letting the child manage things alone can make him responsible.
Do not systematically get up for your child
You see this scene where, as soon as you have placed a buttock on the sofa, your child calls you for a choice of a spoon, water, or a tissue? For the psychologist, it is time to say no. Or rather “no I can’t”, and invite your child to go get what he needs himself. If that seems harsh, she assures you “pThe more we practice, the easier it becomes.” Because behind this refusal there is a goal, that of making your child more competent.
Stop checking your homework
Good news also, the lazy parent no longer spends hours checking their child’s homework. He helps with homework, gives directions, answers… But once the work has started, lets the child or adolescent manage his work and its results. (Even if he didn’t want to do his reading sheet!) According to the psychologist, this is an important limit: “Consequences and failures are how we learn.”
Don’t bring forgotten belongings back to school or college
Did your son forget his math book? Does your daughter have her sports shoes? No need to run to school. “By forcing children to take responsibility for their small mistakes, they are more likely to take responsibility for their bigger mistakes later.” indicates the psychologist. Unless it’s a real emergency, your children need to learn that they will have to do without it… and that they will have to be careful from now on.
Make them go out without you
Letting your child out of the family cocoon is always a little stressful. But within reason (and at an appropriate age), psychologists invite parents to let their children fend for themselves (at the local park or stadium, at the cinema when they are old enough, etc.). Without direct supervision, children develop new abilities. In particular those of assessing the risks, of learning when they face a difficulty, and of getting through it without calling on an adult.
Schedule fewer activities
In many families, everything is done so that the child never gets bored. This results in intense weeks made up of hours of classes, sports, artistic activities… Not only can this rhythm tire them and make them anxious, but according to the expert, it takes away the child’s opportunity to experiment something else: “Boredom helps children develop skills such as planning, problem solving and distress tolerance.”
Give yourself time according to “your” desires
In his report on the state of parenting in the United States, Health Director Vivek Murphy writes that parents are spending more time than ever on activities related to their children. Mothers spend 40% more time looking after their children than in 1985. However, to preserve your mental health, it is also good to take time for yourself as a parent, without feeling guilty. So plan some time to do what you want, too. If the child is bored, he can also join you, and garden or read alongside you if that is your activity.
In the end, the important message is above all that of stopping feeling guilty if we adopt the “benign neglect.” On the contrary, let’s congratulate ourselves when we succeed, because behind this parental laziness develops the maturity of our children.
Slide: 10 misconceptions about positive parenting