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Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical Psychologist)
All parents know that a child’s sleep is not always equal. Some nights are peaceful while others are more agitated, which can push him to come into your bed. But until what age can you sleep with your offspring? Psychologist Amélie Boukhobza tells us more.
In an interview for a podcast, Kourtney Kardashian reveals that she slept with her daughter Penelope until she was 11, which is quite recently since the young girl is 12. She explains that she did the same thing with her son Mason, until he was 7. Before he decided on his own that he no longer wanted to sleep with his mother.
Now the mother of a baby boy, conceived with her new husband, Travis Barker, Kourtney Kardashian says that her 10-month-old baby also sleeps in her bed. A situation that her husband approves of. “It’s really important that both parents agree to this.” believes the starlet, even if she half-heartedly acknowledges that this bothers them in their privacy. At what point does this pose a problem?
Almost every parent has at one time or another been confronted with a child who refuses to sleep or wants to do so in their parents’ bed.Co-sleeping with your child often raises questions among parents. And it sparks many debates and disagreements among parents too!” explains first of all Amélie Boukhobza, psychologist.
Why does a child ask to sleep with his parents?Simply because, in the first months or years, he seeks above all security and comfort. The night is a moment of vulnerability for him. The parental bed then becomes a refuge where the fear of the dark or of separation disappears.
But the question that often comes up is: how should the parent react? Should they accept or refuse the child in their bed? “II usually say that it all depends on the context and family dynamics. If it soothes the child occasionally, the parents feel comfortable and everyone sleeps well, there is no reason to to feel guilty !” e“So yes, if it’s once in a while, when the child is sick or has had a nightmare. Otherwise, it’s no,” the expert says.If this pattern becomes systematic and encroaches on sleep, the couple’s intimacy, or creates tensions, it is necessary to think about it.“.
What are the consequences?
“Settling a child into a bed for a long time is not without consequences.”In the long term, this can disrupt the quality of each person’s sleep: movements, more frequent nighttime awakenings… On the other hand, it can also affect the couple’s intimacy. Time spent together, in a reserved space, is essential to the viability of the parental relationship.”
The expert therefore recognizes that “extending co-sleeping beyond a few years can thus become a source of frustration, both for the parents and for the child himself.“However, there is no strict rule regarding the “problematic” aspect of the question.
“What matters is to see if the child gradually develops his autonomy. At 11 years old, as in the case of Kourtney Kardashian, it is legitimate to ask questions, because the child is already approaching preadolescence, a period when he builds his identity and his personal space. So sleeping with his parents at this age can really limit this development” explains Amélie Boukhobza.
In short, “The idea is not to say that there is a good or bad choice, but rather to observe how each person feels, and if this allows the child to grow up in a serene atmosphere, without creating dependency or hindering their development.” she concluded.