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Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)
Last April, Jérémy Frérot announced his breakup with Laure Manaudou. A painful episode which he returns to in an interview with RFM. How to overcome the guilt you may feel towards your children after a breakup? Advice from Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist.
Separating after several years of living together is not easy. But when children are involved, the situation becomes even more complicated. Jérémy Frérot knows this pain well, he who separated last April from Laure Manaudou, the mother of his two children.
“Whatever happens, I move forward with them”
“The story is not over, we continue it differently, we have two magnificent children”confided the singer in the columns of Parisian.
Despite everything, a sensitive subject, which Bernard Montiel did not hesitate to address in his show “1 hour with…” broadcast on May 25, 2024 on the antennas of RFM.
“It’s obvious that when you separate from someone, there are the children in the middle. We have a lot of guilt towards the children. How do you manage that?“, asked the host in particular.
To which the ex-Fréro Delavega responded straight away.
“I have two and I’m completely gaga. We move forward with what we have, in fact. Like in life, in fact. Whatever happens, I move forward with them. It’s day by day “.
The singer added that there was “lots of love“, and that was the thing”the most important” to his eyes.
Sometimes, several feelings are at the origin of this guilt
Parental guilt after a separation with children is a great classic, according to our expert, Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist.
“Indeed, we have the feeling of imposing our decisions and couple conflicts on our children who asked for nothing… and who therefore suffer the situation. The questions therefore flood in: what impact will this situation have on them? Will they be in distress? Is it good to separate them from their mother or their mother for a certain period of time?” she emphasizes.
The fear of seeing your children suffer and the perception of failure can add to this guilt.
“Furthermore, the desire to protect one’s children from any suffering often leads to heightened guilt when a decision, even a necessary one, causes family upheaval. Finally, it can also be the perception of a personal failure, of a failure of the relationship and by extension of the family”, summarizes the specialist.
In this context, how can we (better) manage this feeling of guilt? The expert gives us some wise advice:
- “Above all, accept that the separation, although difficult, may be the best decision for the well-being of all family members. Children always prefer happy and fulfilled parents apart, than parents together who yell at each other or hate each other!
- The second key, keep your children as your only goal. Spending time with them, focusing on them and their balance to move forward is the best thing to do.
- Obviously, explain to children, in words appropriate to their age, the reasons for the separation and reassure them of the constant love of both parents.
- And try as far as possible to continue working together, even after separation, to ensure the well-being of children. Collaboration in parenting decisions shows children that they are still loved and supported by both parents.”
Slide: Divorce: books to explain separation to children