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Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical Psychologist)
Do you feel like everything is going too fast in your relationship? Learn how to decode some warning signs with Amélie Boukhobza, psychologist.
Barely settled into your cozy little nest, your partner already expresses the desire to have a child? If the fact that the other is “driving force” in the couple is pleasant, going “too fast” can also harm the construction of a life together.
Love doesn’t follow a set timetable
Unlike many other areas, where dates and events can be planned, love does not care about temporal expectations: every moment can be a surprise, every time spent together can give rise to a new project.
“We’ve all seen or heard of long-lasting relationships where partners moved in together on day one, or had a baby within two months and got married right away… There are no rules about how quickly a relationship should start. It’s often marked by intense passion and overflowing enthusiasm. And that’s perfectly normal! However, paying attention to certain signs that things might be going a little too fast can help avoid harming the construction of a solid foundation. Or at least avoid scaring people off… I hear this regularly in consultations,” says Amélie Boukhobza.
In this situation, learning to spot the signs that show that the relationship is moving too fast is therefore essential. Here are some of them.
The 6 signs to recognize
1. Ignoring friends, family and usual activities: “Of course, loved ones need to understand that we have less time to see them when we fall in love. That we want to live a bit like in a bubble. But from there to disappearing from circulation, neglecting friends and family and withdrawing from all social life to spend all our time with our partner, this can be an indicator of an imbalance and a rush” says the psychologist.
2. Early financial commitments: “There is no specific timing to commit to a relationship that you feel is the right one, but making major purchases together or sharing finances in the early months may be premature. Financial decisions should be made carefully and after a period of trust has been established,” estimates the expert.
3. Emotional dependence: “A quick emotional dependency, where one or the other feels unable to function without the other, can be a sign of haste. Each partner should maintain a certain independence and autonomy, even if a part of dependency is inherent in the love relationship necessarily“, relates Amélie Boukhobza.
4. Social or family pressure: “If the speed of the relationship is influenced by external family or social pressure, this can distort judgment. Decisions should be made based on one’s own feelings and not under the influence of others.“, warns the specialist again.
5. Avoidance of important topics: “Avoiding important conversations for fear of damaging the relationship can be a sign that you’re moving too fast. Addressing sensitive topics is an essential step in establishing healthy communication.“, assures the expert.
6. Limited knowledge of the other: “If we realize that we still know very little about our partner’s personal history, values and life goals, it may be because things are going a little too fast. Taking the time to get to know the other person is still fundamental,” says Amélie Boukhobza. Ultimately, time can easily become your best ally: it allows you to lay the foundations, build smoothly, and make necessary adjustments.
“Romantic relationships take time and patience to develop on solid foundations. Moving too quickly can compromise long-term stability. So, there are no rules, it’s true, but taking the time to get to know your partner well and build a balanced relationship and healthy, that’s not bad either!“, concludes the psychologist.
Slideshow: 10 Signs Your Relationship Will Last