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Rolling on the ground, screaming to get the last piece of cake… Children’s “whims” are often difficult to manage. But at what point do they become “pathological”? What signs should you worry about? The answers of Dr Marie Viorrain, child and adolescent psychiatrist.
Many parents call a child’s sometimes violent manifestations “whims.” Be aware that young children have few means of expression to show their disagreement or discontent, especially when they still speak little. The “whims” are therefore especially frequent between one and a half and two years / two and a half years, they gradually fade over the years, in particular thanks to the understanding of reality and the mastery of language.
Please note: the ages given in this article are only a generalization and each child develops at their own pace.
Tantrums are part of “behavioral immaturity in children”
First reminder and not the least: tantrums are normal in young children.
“Whims are part of the behavioral immaturity of toddlers, they are almost “physiological”. Indeed, young children do not understand the benefit of “holding back” when faced with an immediate pleasure, such as, for example, when faced with a plate of candy.“, confides the expert. “It is therefore only later, around the age of three, that children manage to inhibit these famous immediate pleasures. They then manage to prioritize the most important things (for example: finishing getting dressed before having breakfast), and to make compromises in the interest of the group. It is no coincidence that it is at this time that children enter kindergarten: 3 years old is the age where we can inhibit ourselves a little more, begin to accept a certain number of constraints“, notes Dr Marie Viorrain.
But then, at what point do whims become pathological?
“As soon as there are repercussions in the school, social (the child has difficulty having friends) and family life of the child, then aged at least 3 years old… And we perceive suffering in the child and a feeling of exhaustion in the parents“, warns the psychiatrist.
Knowing how to detect certain specific signs in children is therefore important. The list of those to know, below.
He throws tantrums non-stop, bangs his head against the wall
In this situation, the child suffers and expresses, in his own way, his insecurity.
“When your child’s tantrums and tantrums, through their repetition, cause distress in the family unit… and the good times are no longer enough to compensate for the bad; it is then time to seek support”warns the psychiatrist.
He can’t make friends
A wayward child sometimes turns out to be “isolated” at school.
“If your child has difficulty making friends, has difficulty fitting in and his behavior becomes problematic at school, it may be useful to consult“, advises Dr Marie Viorrain.
He doesn’t take “no”
“Beyond the famous “3 years”, it is not normal for your child not to accept a certain number of constraints… like the famous no“, notes the expert.
It doesn’t develop like the others
“If you perceive a gap in your child’s development, in his or her ability to make compromises, once again, do not hesitate to consult“, concludes the psychiatrist.
Slide: How do I manage my child’s tantrums?