Is There a Right Time to Say “I Love You” in a Relationship? Our Psychologist’s Opinion

in collaboration with

Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical Psychologist)

“I love you”, these three little words, rather pleasant to the ear, have the power to change a relationship, even a life. Knowing when to say them, even when you feel them, therefore becomes a major issue for the person in love. Too early, too late… where to aim when you want to declare yourself?

Men and women do not have the same timing.

According to the magazine Psychology Todaywho looked into the matter, one of the things to know is that we don’t all have the same profile when it comes to declaring ourselves. Thus, men would be quicker to come out with “the” phrase. According to a survey, conducted in 2022, men take an average of 88 days to tell a partner that they love them, compared to 134 days for a woman. In addition, 39% of men say “I love you” during the first month after dating someone, compared to only 23% of women. Women are more cautious and on their guard. On the other hand, once things are laid out, they are more likely to want to hear it repeatedly, while men often think that they shouldn’t say “I love you” often.

But let’s get back to that first I love you. Despite the differences between genders, is there a right time to say them, how about a magic recipe? “Saying “I love you” to your partner is a very meaningful moment! Timing may seem crucial… but it doesn’t have to be. There is no universal rule for determining the ideal moment.” Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist, tells us. However, there are certain elements that can guide this decision.

Don’t declare yourself too quickly!

So, while there is no ideal number of days or months to get started, it is risky to declare yourself too early (some say it as soon as they meet!). Since love develops at different rates depending on the individual, your partner may not be able to reciprocate.

“Be careful not to rush! advises the psychologist, Saying “I love you” prematurely, before you really know your partner, can seem a bit much… It can be scary, even scary. It’s better to wait until you’ve shared meaningful moments to reinforce the sincerity of the declaration.”

Only say I love you if it’s sincere!

The other consideration to take into account, despite the time spent together, is the sincerity of the feeling. Thus the medium of Psychology Today details several circumstances where you should avoid jumping into the water

• When you are very emotional and cannot think rationally;
• When you just repeat it out of politeness;
• If you say it to fill the silence or avoid embarrassment;
• If you expect something in return;
• Before, after or during sexual intercourse;
• When he/she is not ready at all;
• When there is nothing else to do.

The right time is when you are in phase as a couple.

For Amélie Boukhobza, the question of timing is therefore more a question of sincerity and an already established connection.

The right time can also be when you receive signs of reciprocity in the relationship.”If the other person shows similar signs of affection and commitment, there is a greater chance that this declaration will be well received.” Finally, the setting also matters according to the expert. An intimate moment, away from distractions and external pressures, will make the declaration more special and memorable.

Slideshow: 15 ways to tell him “I love you” differently!