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Breaking up and letting go of someone is not always easy. But according to a relationship doctor, there is a way to do this without too much damage. This involves 12 details to keep in mind.
Leaving a romantic relationship is often more perilous than getting back into it: certainly, love and passion may have escaped (and you may have every good reason to end your union), but whether it is to maintain a good image, stay on good terms, or take care of your partner, it remains important to adopt the best way to break up. In the media Psychology Todaydoctor Bruce Y. Lee reveals 12 attitudes that matter at this stage, to emerge from it grown.
Break up face to face, in an appropriate location
Unless you’re in an interdimensional relationship, take the time and effort to meet your partner in person (not through text, chat, or worse, ghosting). And do it in a place where you can listen to each other (not at a music festival, or a packed bar…)
Inform the person concerned first
If you are about to make a decision that will effectively end a relationship, talk to the person involved first. A bit of courage ! It’s not her place to ask you if something is wrong, if you want to leave her, or worse, to find out via Facebook or TikTok statuses.
Fulfill your obligations and promises
If you promised to do something (help in a process, a presence at an important time) do it, despite the breakup. If you can’t keep your promises, do your best to find alternatives so the person doesn’t have to worry.
Don’t leave the other person in a difficult position
Likewise, we don’t leave a relationship by disappearing and leaving the other person to deal with difficulties that are our responsibility. Did you have to share rent? You will have to continue until a suitable solution is found. Take the time and effort to make sure the other person is safe, despite your decision.
Don’t spend your time blaming the other person
Criticizing your ex partner can help you temporarily feel better. But always remember that if a relationship isn’t working, it’s likely that the other person will also have complaints about you. So don’t try to justify your decision in this way.
Admit your wrongs
Likewise, accept that the failure, or end of your relationship may be based on your own mistakes. And that you could well be the cause (at least, in part) of it. As they say, it takes two to tango.
Be open and honest
Avoid saying things like “It’s me, not you” when in reality, you are not leaving the relationship primarily to help the other person. Your future ex deserves to know the real reason, the reason you’re leaving.
Avoid impersonal clichés
Relying on a hackneyed phrase such as “I’m sorry it didn’t work, good luck” can give the other person the impression of not being taken into account or understood. The shots can come across as cold and contrived, suggesting that you haven’t taken the time and effort to come up with something more personal.
Don’t expect anything from the other person
Remember, once you initiate a breakup, that person no longer has any obligations to you. Hitting the break up button indicates that you are not willing to do what it takes to maintain the relationship. Don’t expect the other person to stay close to you. It depends on her.
Don’t brag in this breakup
Say to the other person something like “Good luck finding someone as good as me.” when breaking up, it’s on the one hand quite petty. And on the other hand rather risky: your ex could send you back quickly than “Yes, I would like to find someone who won’t try to disrespect me.” It’s not pleasant for anyone and it leaves a bitter taste.
Don’t expect the other person to come back to you
Using a breakup as a threat or a way to influence a relationship is ugly. Once you start leaving, you are showing that you are a flight risk and that you are not faithful to the relationship. So it’s okay for the other person not to come crawling back to you. And you have to accept it.
Don’t just talk about yourself
Finally, compassion is the secret to a successful breakup. With this decision, it is very possible that you will hurt the other person in the heart. If you don’t see how your departure can negatively affect the other person, then perhaps you have discovered a central reason for failure: your self-centeredness! So leave space for the other person’s emotions (without reconsidering your decision or without giving up hope.)
Finally, the expert reminds us: “Overall, when ending things, take the long view. Don’t do anything you might regret in the future, and remember what you might leave behind when you leave a relationship.”
Slide: Breakup: 8 signs that the couple is over