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Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical Psychologist)
While jealousy can sometimes appear as a sign of love when it manifests itself lightly and occasionally, it has many negative aspects that must be taken seriously. The pot with Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist.
While many people appreciate it when their partner is (slightly) jealous of a colleague or neighbor who is a little too reckless, real jealousy – which deprives the other of freedom – can quickly become toxic.
Jealousy, a human feeling
Jealousy is a human emotion that occurs when we perceive a threat to a relationship, often a romantic one, due to the presence of a rival.
“Jealousy can quickly be interpreted as a demonstration ofpassionate love. I hear it regularly in consultation in different ways, which legitimize this behavior: “I am jealous but it is normal because she is very beautiful” or “I am jealous but I love her”. However, this perception is more than misleading!”, says Amélie Boukhobza, psychologist.
Although it is a very common negative emotion, it arises from a deep malaise: jealousy often stems from a feeling of insecurity or low self-esteem.
Excessive jealousy can become toxic
Jealous people doubt their own worth and come to doubt their partner. A problem that should not be taken lightly according to Amélie Boukhobza, psychologist.
“The reality is that jealousy reveals deep insecurities and fear of abandonment rather than healthy love. Not to mention that excessive jealousy can become toxic, leading to controlling behaviors and dysfunctional relationships. Instead of proving love, it often indicates trust issues and low self-esteem. Since jealousy does not emanate from love but from doubt” she continues.
How can we explain the roots of such discomfort? Betrayal (such as cheating) or rejection from partners in the past are all factors that can make a person more likely to be jealous. These types of unresolved wounds can create a form of hyper-vigilance in future relationships.
Jealousy in a couple: what impact on the other?
According to Amélie Boukhobza, we too often forget to talk about the impact that jealousy has on others.
“Jealousy is not only negative for the one who experiences it, it is also destructive for the one who receives it. It is sending back to him that he is not someone trustit is to send back to him that he is a “scumbag” likely to act as the jealous person’s thoughts indicate”, assures the expert.
Incessant questioning and increased surveillance of the other’s activities can, in fact, arise, leading to conflicts and arguments. The partner who “suffers” the other’s jealousy can quickly feel oppressed, frustrated and misunderstood.
But, is it necessary to remind people? Any healthy relationship must, on the contrary, demonstrate respect (respect for the needs of the other and respect for their freedom) and kindness. Jealousy is therefore absolutely not a (beautiful) proof of love.
“A relationship based on jealousy requires reevaluation and work on mutual trust. Therapeutic support can be crucial to untangle these feelings and restore a relationship based on respect and security.“, underlines Amélie Boukhobza, in conclusion.
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