In France, on May 17, 2013, homosexual couples officially obtain the right to marry, after weeks of protests. traumatic against the measure. Ten after its promulgation and on this world day against homophobia and transphobia, several gay and lesbian couples tell how this historic law has shaped their unions, between liberation and determination in the face of the battles that still have to be fought.
” I want to celebrate this date because it’s a victory “. This May 17, 2023, Marie-Clémence Bordet-Nicaise savors it as a triumph. In June 2015, two years after the legalization of marriage homosexual, the young lesbian woman marries her partner Aurore.
From this union, Marie-Clémence shares a photo. With her bun of brown locks, she wears turquoise blue pumps, a sober pearl necklace around her neck. In her white tulle strapless dress, she wears a flower crown on her head. Her fingers are intertwined with those of Aurore, who is wearing a navy blue tuxedo. The smile on their lips, they radiate. Each year, on the date of their wedding anniversary, the two wives immortalize the same shot, in the same outfit, as their family grows, and their ” love remains intact “.
Formalize the love of couples
On that spring day in 2015, the ultimate symbol of their union was ” the delivery of the family record book, even more than the exchange of wedding rings “recalls the 35-year-old speaker with joy. A way to endorse their couple in the eyes of society. ” Being able to change and join our surnames was very strong “, abounds this mother of two little girls.
Same story for Nathan Duret, married to Jean-Baptiste since 2014 and originally from Saint-Etienne. “ In the eyes of the law, we have become legitimate to love each other. And when we saw written “husband or father” on the two pages of our family booklet, we understood that we were officially becoming a recognized family, like all the other couples “, he recalls with emotion.
In ten years, for our four couples interviewed, “ the view of society has changed about gay and lesbian spouses, says Nathan. ” From what I observe, for the new generation, it seems normal to them, they have no problem with gay or lesbian couples “, adds Solène, 34, married to Noémie since 2016. More open-minded, which Marie-Clémence nevertheless qualifies: “ We’ve been given more credit since marriage is legal. But it’s as if society still needs institutions like marriage to validate a romantic relationship. »
In ten years, nearly 70,000 same-sex marriages have been celebrated in France, according to INSEE. 7 000 couples said “yes” to each other in 2022, among the 244,000 marriages recorded this year. ” And there is no more divorce than anywhere else! “, punctuates Marie-Clémence.
2013, a year both hope and sadness »
In 2012, Marie-Clémence is 24 years old. For the first time, this young woman with big blue eyes and a face studded with freckles is interested in politics. Above all, she monitors one of François Hollande’s campaign commitments: to legalize marriage for all. “ I felt directly concerned by the election. The day he was elected, we shouted with joy with my friends. It was for us the promise to be able to get married, to be free to have the choice, even if we did not intend to.. ” A promise held since a few months after the arrival of the Socialist Party candidate at the Élysée, the bill made its entry into the National Assembly, carried by the Keeper of the Seals, Christiane Taubira.
At that time, Nicolas Barbet-Vervliet was part of an LGBT+ activist association which worked directly to support the marriage for all project. On April 23, 2013, this 40-year-old father, married since 2017 to Quentin, is present in the hemicycle of the National Assembly for the vote and the adoption of the law. ” I remember the joy, the tears that naturally flowed from emotion, the euphoria of the deputies in favor of the law. I remember their pride, and ours “, he recalls with a smile.
If May 17, 2013 was synonymous with ” relief ” and of ” release However, the road to the promulgation of the law was strewn with pitfalls. For ten months, the collective “ The strike for all » Chained street demonstrations to protest against the measure, and branded the French LGBT+ community with a red iron. A period imprinted of hope and sadness for Nathan Duret, for whom the slogans and songs of these demonstrations represented a ” outpouring of hatred » and as many “uninhibited homophobic remarks “.
From a family ” bourgeois, catholic and traditional “, Marie-Clémence also remembers very painful weeks for Aurore and her.
90% of my family went to protests against equal marriage. I felt rejected, isolated, I experienced it as an attack. Suddenly, an intimate relationship became a political object, and the people who went to these demonstrations questioned my relationship, my vision of love…
Be accepted by society, but especially by the family
For Noémie and Solène, mothers of blond triplets in the Drôme, the path was just as complicated. The latter, a veterinary assistant, came out in June 2013, when she became aware of her love for Noémie, whom she met at her workplace. She who, in previous months, was rather one of the ” antis “. ” My whole family was against marriage for all “. Then 25 years old, Solène shares with them her new relationship with her partner, a month after the promulgation of the law. ” It was a painful ordeal, but I was sure of myself “, she says.
Her parents do not accept Noémie, Solène then says she is ready to turn her back on them. In 2016, the couple still invites them to their wedding. Their negative response is immediate. “ When we prepared the seating plans, we still included his parents just in case.says Noémie. Then on the wedding day, they finally came. And they opened their eyes: they saw their daughter happy “. And they were able to contemplate Solène, in a frilly white wedding dress, entwined with Noémie, in an immaculate white suit, her short hair neatly plastered over her skull. Today, for Solène’s mother, her past words to her daughter are ” one of his biggest regrets “.
The story of Marie-Clémence is a concentrate of the same ingredients. ” It was difficult to make my family accept my homosexuality, but today everything is going much better. As for Solène’s family, the marriage and the arrival by PMA of their two daughters, Billie and Charlie, served as proof of their union. ” My parents are one of those people who need to be reassured, to tell themselves that if the law authorizes marriage and having children, then it becomes acceptable. “, she depicts.
“ As a gay couple, we come out every day. »
However, unsurprisingly, the law has not made homophobia disappear. When Nicolas asked Quentin to marry Saint-Symphorien-d’Ozon (69) in February 2016, the two lovers still did not imagine having to show so much activism to unite their couple before the law. ” The mayor of our commune did not want to marry us. We therefore asked an elected friend of the opposition if she could do it, except that the mayor forbade her. »
After five months of negotiations, the couple tries to convince a chosen one, also reluctant to marry them, to officiate them an hour after her daughter’s own wedding, on July 8, 2017. Reluctantly, the chosen one accepts.
So as not to cross paths with our guests, those from the wedding of the daughter of the chosen one left through a small door behind the building. But we went in and out through the front door. We had our own pride, at the cost of a fight that we were far from considering.
For him, this ” freedom of conscience “, as François Hollande mentioned during the debates on the subject, was “ a big political error and an open door to refusals like the one we experienced. It was so disappointing “Laments Nicholas. On D-Day, the two men become the first married couple of Saint-Symphorien-d’Ozon.
Dailywell, Nathan assures him: As a homosexual couple, we come out every day. The young father lost count of the times when shopkeepers and passers-by were surprised to hear her introduce herself with her husband, Jean-Baptiste. Similarly, Solène and Noémie pay attention when they go for a walk, do not hold hands and avoid kissing in public. ” We are always afraid of reprisals, sideways glances “. Indeed, the association SOS Homophobia identifies a “ worrying rise » homophobic physical attacks in 2022, in its Annual Report published this Tuesday, May 16: 184 cases counted in 2022, i.e. one attack every two days, an increase of 28% compared to 2021.
And for our four parent couples, the priority is to protect their children. Because for homoparental families, inequalities still have a tough skin. “ In 2019, Aurore was not immediately recognized as the mother of our first child, so we could not register her on the family booklet. », indignant Marie-Clémence Bordet-Nicaise. Procedures made easier by the bioethics law of August 2021, which opened the PMA to lesbian couples and unmarried women.
And yet. Despite obtaining marriage and adoption, administrative institutions are still lagging behind in adapting to all types of families, even ten years later. Forms designating ” Sir ” Or ” Madam », « father ” Or ” mother » still exist as much. ” There are still small moments when society reminds us that we do not yet fit perfectly into the boxes. “says Nathan Duret.
So this May 17, 2023, Marie-Clémence, Solène, Quentin, Nathan and their spouses all draw up an optimistic, but half-hearted assessment of these ten years of being able to love each other freely, with certainty. : “ The people of the Manif pour tous thought that French society would collapse by opening up same-sex marriage. We proved them not. We just acquired a right that we didn’t have, without ever taking it away from anyone else. »
Also to listen: Youth, gender identities and sexual orientations