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“This book is good!”. Nils, 97, browses through a pamphlet on senior sexuality in a common room at the retirement home in the village of Broby in southern Sweden.
Nothing unusual here. For nearly a year, the institution, which welcomes 56 people aged 65 to over 100, has developed a rare model to allow its residents a fulfilling life… on all levels.
In this clean interior, there are no dildos in the corridors or self-service porn, but each resident is offered a casual discussion on intimacy and desire as soon as they arrive at the house.
“During the start of the school year, the referent has a conversation with the client and asks him certain questions that we have established on sexual health“, explains to AFP the director of Lindgården, Liselott Klang, 54 years old.
On the initiative of the project launched a year ago, she wanted to allow her collaborators to approach the subject without embarrassment or taboo.
“Previously, employees sometimes felt uncomfortable when they saw a resident masturbating in public or a couple asking for help booking a hotel room.“, she recalls.
Emilie Nilsson, a 39-year-old caregiver, was apprehensive to raise the issue.
“It was a bit scary at first, but the more you work on it, the more you realize it’s not just about sex. It’s a matter of proximity“, she says.
“Everyone needs a hug. So now we live it in a totally natural way“.
The sexual health of elderly or disabled people is an emerging issue – slowly – in many Western countries.
Privacy
“Sexual health isn’t just about sex, it’s about intimacy“, emphasizes Ms. Klang.
The objective is to “allow the individual to remain themselves despite moving into a retirement home“.
For residents, the issue is easier to address directly with caregivers, who ensure their basic needs.
“As caregivers, we are very close. We help them with their toilet“, recalls Louise Karlsson, one of the managers of Lindgården.
All staff have been trained in the issue by sexologist Suzann Larsdotter.
“Invisible for years, the issue is gradually gaining ground“in the country, considered progressive, she welcomes.
“It’s a new phenomenon, especially in an ageist society like Sweden where older people are often left behind, but there is growing knowledge around the fact that sexual health is a right, throughout the life, without it becoming an injunction“says the therapist.
In the common room, Nils and his friends want to joke about the subject, but, like fierce teenagers, kick in touch when it comes to discussing it with strangers.
“Pleasure Basket”
For her part, Ms. Klang notes “positive reactions, a lot of humor, curiosity, but also a certain shyness“.
“It can take weeks from the first conversation to when they dare to come forward and talk more“, she says.
“But often these are deep discussions where one evokes his pain, his lack and the nostalgia of his missing partner.“.
What matters, she says, is that seniors know they are listened to.
Fantasies, when they exist, are there to be realized, as far as possible.
“We need to be able to explain and demonstrate how to maintain catheters to be able to have sex“, insists the director.
“Each generation thinks that its generation is the one that is the most sexually active, that has the most desire“, she laughs.
And to ease the complex for seniors, the establishment has combined a “pleasure basket” which offers adapted creams and sex toys that residents can obtain.
In the basket, “we find the sign + Please do not disturb +, different creams and lubricants. There are dildos, penis pumps, cock rings and the like“, details Louise Karlsson.