Strong communication is the key to a healthy and lasting relationship. Harvard psychologist and author Dr. Cortney Warren reveals her advice.
Every relationship goes through tough times. But what really matters is how you and your partner interact on a regular basis. Dr. Cortney S. Warren, is a certified psychologist and author of “Letting Go of Your Ex.” She specializes in marriages, love addiction, and breakups, and completed her clinical training at Harvard Medical School. She has found that the happiest couples don’t shy away from conflict. They approach them by talking to each other with appreciation and respect. Unfortunately, she has seen many marriages end due to miscommunication and a refusal to change.
So if you use any of these phrases with your partner, your relationship is more successful than most:
- “I appreciate your efforts.”
It’s tempting to focus on what you don’t like about your partner and point it out at every opportunity. But it is important to highlight the good side of their actions. Happy couples express their gratitude for each other’s efforts. It’s a great way to make everyone feel valued.
Similar sentences:
- “I appreciate that you work hard to support our family.”
- “I’m grateful that you take the kids to school, it helps me get going in the morning.”
- “I like you.”
The healthiest couples don’t just love each other, they also like each other. Loving someone is an intense feeling of affection; to love well is to see the person as they are and to recognize the qualities that we appreciate in them.
Similar sentences:
- “I love that you are so passionate about health.”
- “I like your dedication to your hobbies.”
- “Help me understand this better.”
We all have different upbringings, vulnerabilities, values, and beliefs that shape how we view relationships. If your partner is reacting to a situation in a way you don’t understand, telling them you want to get to know them better is key to resolving conflict and creating deeper bonds.
Similar sentences:
- “I don’t know why this upsets you so much. Help me understand your point of view.”
- “I want to get through this together, and I need to understand you better to get there.”
- “I’m listening to you…”
Disagreements are inevitable, but it’s important to support each other by actively listening. You must be willing to suspend your desire to be “right” or to make your point long enough to hear and empathize with your partner’s perspective.
Similar sentences:
- “I’m going to stop talking now and try to really listen to your point of view.”
- “I want to hear your opinion, even if we don’t agree in the end.”
- “I’m sorry).”
When things don’t go as planned, healthy couples know that both partners have a role to play in the situation. Taking responsibility for our role in these conflicts and offering sincere apologies is essential to mending the cracks.
Similar sentences:
- “I didn’t respectfully express my feelings towards you and I apologize for that.”
- “I didn’t like your behavior last night, but I also have to apologize for my anger.”
- “I forgive you. Can you forgive me?”
Forgiving is difficult. It takes vulnerability, letting go of something that hurt us, and changing our feelings about our partner. But studies have shown that couples who practice forgiveness are more likely to have longer, satisfying relationships.
Similar sentences:
- “I know we can’t change the past, so I actively try to leave it behind and move on.”
- “I made a mistake and I’m trying to forgive myself. I hope you can forgive me too.”
- “I am committed to you.”
Being in a relationship is a choice. Reassuring your partner that you always choose to be with him/her and overcome challenges will help create a sense of security and stability.
Similar sentences:
- “Even when times are tough, I still choose to be with you.”
- “I’m here and I want it to work with you. We’re a team.”
- “Let’s have some fun!”
If you can find humor (or gently tease each other) during tense moments, your relationship could be stronger than you think. The happiest couples manage to break the tension and readjust the mood by finding room for a genuine smile, light-hearted banter or a joke.
Similar sentences:
- “We should get some fresh air. Want to do something fun today?”
- “I know I’m tough sometimes. Let’s take a break from the tough stuff and watch a comedy.”
- “I like you.”
This one is simple but always good to remember. Verbally expressing your romantic love for each other keeps the relationship alive. And when you say it, make sure you really mean it 🙂