For some mothers, leaving their baby at night is truly heartbreaking. But then, why do we feel so guilty about leaving our baby at night, when during the day, we have no problem leaving him with the nanny or at the nursery? This sleep consultant answers us.
“Why don’t you leave her with your parents to have a romantic weekend?“, If some mothers feel neither the need nor the desire, preferring to enjoy every moment with baby, others are anxious at the idea of entrusting their baby at night, especially the first time. “I would like to leave my baby, but I can’t. I’m afraid he will wake up at night and get scared when he sees that mom and dad are not there… “, says Ludivine, mother of Lucas, 15 months, who has never yet managed to leave her child with someone for the night. But then, why do we feel so guilty about separating from our baby at night? that during the day, it is not difficult to leave your baby with the nanny or at the crèche?
“A child will be ready to sleep elsewhere when his mother is“, immediately asks Sandra Menoni, sleep consultant and founder of Nuit des Petits. In certain situations, the mother conditions herself to having to leave her child at night. For example, a night nurse knows that she must do so. out of obligation, even if it tears her apart. On the other hand, if it’s about taking time for yourself, to go on a romantic weekend for example, you may be torn between the desire to have time for the marital couple and the guilt of separating from one’s child.”The first question to ask yourself is do I want it or not?“There are so many mothers who feel guilty: everyone has their own judgment, but we don’t have to justify ourselves. There is no right or wrong way to do things.”Whatever decision you make, it must be the right one for you“, argues the sleep consultant.
When you feel ready, you will nevertheless have to anticipate things. To begin, Sandra Menoni recommends going in stages, with very small separations. For example, you can drop off your child to take a nap at grandma’s house, explaining that you will come back to pick them up at the end of the afternoon. “Separating for 2 to 3 hours is a first step. If the mother is calm and shows it to her child, he will feel confident. Conversely, if she is anxious or crying, this sends a message of insecurity to the child. It is up to us as adults to manage our emotions to allow our children to experience it as best as possible. We will have to do this on a more regular basis so that the child is acclimatized with his environment, that he has his own things, his toys, his cuddly toys, his world“, explains the specialist.
As for the first night, even if we’ll just talk about the child 90% of the time, and text Grandma to see if baby slept well, ate well, played well, we will have had our first not, “because this familiarization phase is especially made for the mother“, reassures our interlocutor. Once the mother has become familiar with a first separation, the second will be a little easier and subsequently, it will certainly be incorporated into the organization.