Certain little lies sometimes prevent crying outbursts… This is what Marine, mother of two children, did when their fish died. But is this the right solution?
Goldfish are usually children’s very first pet. They like to watch them swim, rest, and above all give them food… But when tragedy happens, we don’t really know how to react so as not to hurt them too much. “I had no desire to see my son completely devastated by seeing the death of “Bubulle“, his beloved fish, a little bluish“, confides Marie, mother of two young children. Separated from the father, her children were at their father’s house that evening (luckily). She therefore had the whole weekend to find an identical fish! Because her son observes her so much that he could spot the slightest difference. After cleaning the aquarium and saying goodbye to Bubulle, Marie sets out to find the replacement.
After several specialized stores, she finally found the perfect lookalike! “I discreetly replaced it with another one!” she assumes. His little Arthur will see nothing but fire, except for a few details… “Mom, why does Bubulle have an extra stripe and is he a little brighter than usual?“Fortunately, she was able to count on his young age to influence him in her favor, telling him that he had simply molted, a bit like snakes, and that as he grew, his skin changed. Like her, many parents invent crazy stories about the rabbit who decided to take a long trip to the sun or the hamster who got caught up in an incredible adventure.
But then, should we avoid the subject to avoid causing them pain or, on the contrary, explain to them the death of the animal? According to experts, depending on the age of the child, this can be a good opportunity to broach the subject. It is indeed about learning about this experience of life, as painful as it may be. Talk about it honestly and avoid using the terms “he’s gone” or “he’s fallen asleep” as this could cause little ones to hope for a return or worry at bedtime. Brie Overton, who cares for children who have lost a loved one, advises being direct, using the word “dead” Or “his body stopped functioning” for younger children.
Depending on the circumstances of the death, experts also invite children to say a final goodbye to their pet, and to express their emotions. Books on this theme can also help to understand the subject of mourning. It is also an opportunity, for certain families, to address this loss in its cultural or spiritual dimension.
Whatever the case, for Marie, this little lie is similar to the idea of making people believe that Santa Claus exists, or that the little mouse is going to pass by… We still preserve a little of their innocence and the happiness of to be a child, happy and fulfilled, without adding pain to your little world… “He will have plenty of time to face trials during his life, and we will prepare him for that a little later”she tells us.