Published on
updated on
Reading 2 min.
in collaboration with
Johanna Rozenblum (clinical psychologist)
Your lifelong friend has found love, but there’s a small problem: you don’t like this newcomer. Should you be transparent with your friend about your feelings? Or take it upon yourself? Johanna Rozenblum, clinical psychologist, answers us.
Your best friend is in love. That in itself should make you happy. But nothing helps, his new partner doesn’t belong to you. However, the situation can quickly become awkward and harm your friendship in the long term, if you are used to seeing each other often. So how to react? Is this normal, and should you discuss your feelings or not with your friend at the risk of offending her? We asked Johanna Rozenblum, clinical psychologist, the question.
Ask yourself (yourself) the question why
According to the psychologist, the first question to ask yourself in this case is why you don’t like this partner. Because according to her, there is a good chance that you simply do not like this change of setting, beyond the personality of this newcomer. Let it be jealousy, in short. “It is necessary to ask yourself the question of the exclusive relationship that you perhaps have with your best friend. See if this hatred does not play a role fear of abandonmentor to no longer be the privileged person of your friend, her partner”.
Listen to (and trust) your friend
If it is a little jealousy, or a fear of abandonment, Johanna Rozenblum then advises talking with your friend, openly, not to criticize your partner, but rather to listen to the arguments of your best friend. friend. “If she is with him, if she is in love, it is probably because she finds beautiful things in this person. She can tell you. When we’re friends, we should be able to hear things like that.”
By remaining open, you could, thanks to her, get to know this new person and appreciate this personality that matters to your friend.
In the event of a concern
If your negative feelings came from worry, or you suspect this partner of not being honest, of being toxic, or of not treating your friend well, you may of course want to engage in a frank discussion (which is also the role from a friend). But the task is delicate. In this case, a sexologist interviewed in the magazine VeryWellMindunderlines a condition for this exchange: it involves asking your friend if she has the opportunity to hear what you think about her relationship. If she answers no, her answer must be respected. If she acceptsThe important thing is to own your feelings when sharing how you feel with your friend, rather than blaming them or trying to control their choices.” she says.
Good in his body, good in his head!
Know how to set limits
Finally, if you have nothing to reproach this new lover, but the current is definitely not flowing, it is then possible to put in place some limits to protect everyone, for example by finding moments between friends while minimizing interactions with the partner. You have the right, the whole point being to communicate honestly with your friend, and to respect her choice in matters of relationship.
Slide: 10 tips for maintaining friendship