Modesty is an abstract concept for toddlers, they acquire it as they grow up. What role do parents play in the construction of modesty in children? Why is it important to respect it and how to accompany it in this learning? Answers and advice from Dr Stéphane Clerget, child psychiatrist.
“Intimacy is an abstract term for a child, so it is not necessary to talk to him about it. We, as parents, just have to apply modesty ourselves so that he integrates it”, explains child psychiatrist Dr Stéphane Clerget. In other words, if we are modest, if we do not change in front of our child, if we do not let him enter our room when we are changing, he will imitate us without necessarily understanding the meaning of this behavior, but he will integrate it. Here are a few tips :
On a daily basis, how to teach him modesty according to his age?
To teach him modesty, it is also important not to bathe his child with other children or with ourselves. Then, from the age of 5, we invite him not to get naked at home explaining to him that it is not polite and that it bothers people, he is told “you put on at least one underwear”.
“To the older ones, we can explain that modesty in public places is prohibited by law with the notion of indecent assault”, adds the child psychiatrist.
How are modesty and intimacy constructed in children?
Very small, the child does not know modesty. It is a concept that he acquires while growing up and which is an integral part of his development.
- Around the age of 2 years, the child begins to differentiate between boys and girls.
- Between the ages of 3 and 4, comes the oedipal period during which the child is in love with the parent of the opposite sex and tries to get closer to them, there is a lot of ambivalence.
- “It is often around the age of 6 or 7 that the child begins to become really modest : ToAt this age, the child asks to wash himself, no longer shows himself naked in front of his parents.
“It is often around the age of 6 or 7 that the child begins to become really modest”.
Why and how to respect the privacy of the child?
It is essential to respect the child’s privacy so that he learns to protect it. If we do not respect it, he will consider it normal that others want to transgress it. “It is therefore essential to knock on the bathroom door before entering and to let him wash himself from the age of 7 years“argues the specialist, who also advises to wash your child’s private parts with a glove to make him understand that these areas should receive special treatment.
“Modesty is a way of being”
“The question is not to speak too early about modesty and intimacy to your child, but to adopt the right behavior. If we respect his intimacy and we invite him to respect ours, he will integrate it “, indicates our interlocutor. Modesty is therefore a way of being, a behavior that will become very natural for him: we do not undress in front of everyone because it is not done, there is no need to chat.
Thanks to Dr Stéphane Clerget, child psychiatrist in Paris